Independent - WIP

[Laurel Aylesworth]

If you have some time, I'd love to get your critique on my comp thusfar. Thanks!

[bnewman]

Ha! This is fun. Nice idea. I might turn the bottom left couple to they are facing back into the image. Or at least looking on wistfully or something.

[Chip Valecek]

@laurel-aylesworth I agree with @bnewman turn the couple in front around so they can see what is going on. It will be a fun one for sure.

[RHirsch]

Excellent idea! I'm not even sure you need the couple in front. Ithink you put a couple of shocked faces on those two in the back you can make your point without them. Of course, that's a personal opinion of mine. Looking forward to seeing the next stages.

[Laurel Aylesworth]

@rhirsch Playing around with the comp, I think I agree with you. Thank you!

[Laurel Aylesworth]

Some changes based on your comments. Thanks again!

[tombarrettillo]

I would have the frog jump off to the left, away from the scooter.

[Will Terry]

@laurel-aylesworth Hi Laurel,

I really like this piece a lot!

I think you could benefit from reducing the size of the hill - or cropping it out more. That will give you more space for your main character. I also think you should push the concept a little further. Either make the person on the scooter bigger to show the contrast between the couple and the rider - or - make the rider another skinny elderly person - perhaps even a couple on the scooter to show the juxtaposition.

Going with the fat person could get you heat online...we live in a very critical world online...I like both options.

Cheers,
Will

[Laurel Aylesworth]

@will-terry Thanks Will. These are all great suggestions, especially having two riders to contrasting with the slow couple on the right.

[TessaW]

Don't really have a critique, but just wanted to say that I'm excited for this piece. It's really funny. When I was hashing out ideas in my mind for the independence theme, I thought there might be something in showing independence for the elderly, and this is the idea I wish I had thought of!

[Laurel Aylesworth]

@tessw Thanks Tess! Lee really thought of a challenging one this month, that's for sure.

[Laurel Aylesworth]

My eyes feel like they're about to pop out. If anyone has time to do a quick critique, it would be much appreciated.

[Tyson Ranes]

@laurel-aylesworth This whole concept is awesome. One critique would be to maybe play with a very washed out tree line in the background with maybe an old folks home rooftop hidden subtly in it. Also maybe simple park bench down the winding path / flag pole. Thats just an idea....it might busy things up a bit to much. Really like your character gestures, expressions and shapes!

[Laurel Aylesworth]

@tyson-ranes Thanks for your comments. Yes, I definitely need to busy up the background a bit. Will definitely work on that.

[tombarrettillo]

take a look at Will's sketch again. Give the path a bit more perspective, bring the ladies on the scooter down closer to the ground like in your original sketch, and the frog and squirrel need to be much bigger.

[Kevin Longueil]

@laurel-aylesworth This is looking great - i think the thing i get a little stuck on is the anatomy of the scooter and the value range - i found a reference and did a quick sketch to see how it might look - i include a value cutout i did in photoshop (Lee White's advice to me in the past) - it looks like some things get lost without the color - maybe play with what is dark on light etc........a few really minor things that are just opinions are: i feel like we should see the side of her middle front roller? It looks like the scooter is shifted to our right a bit from center especially the back edge - the walker makes me think we should have a sidewalk for her - Just minor stuff really - i love the idea of this piece - really nice work!

[Laurel Aylesworth]

@kevin-longueil Hey, you're good at these critiques. Maybe SVS has an opening for an instructor Yes, you're so right about the anatomy of the scooter, which I'll work on next. And good observation about needing a smooth surface for the walker.

[Laurel Aylesworth]

@kevin-longueil Also, what is a value cutout? Do you convert everything to greyscale in Photoshop and put some sort of layer adjustment?

[Kevin Longueil]

@laurel-aylesworth Yes It is a filter in photoshop called "cutout" - I set it to 5 and then convert to black and white - it is a trick Lee shared a while back - really shows if we are getting the values right - thanks for the compliment too - I always hesitate to post draw overs