How I am preparing for Graphic Novel Pro

[Fey Realme]

Week 1 story homework | My thoughts

The armature: The idea of everything in your story hanging off a central skeleton of something helpful you want to tell people or a question you want to explore, is very appealing to me as an outliner who is more comfortable with written words than pictures. I have a two-year-old, and my 18-year-old sister lives with me and my husband, and I just have all these things overflowing inside me that I want to share with them to help them succeed--so I love the idea that If you have something helpful to share, you can turn it into a compelling story by digging into that thing you want to say.

It is very comforting to me that you can know how you should do every single thing in your piece by consulting what it is you are trying to say to your audience. like they said in the podcast in a story where you know what you are saying, the family isn't one way just because--because of what you are saying the family HAS to be this way. These are the interactions they need to have, this is what they need to say because everything should drive in that central thought.

Now the homework movie was The Wizard of Oz, but I actually did that last week-- this week my two-year-old and I watched Mary Poppins close to 4 times. Have you ever watched a movie 4 times and asked yourself what they were trying to say, and looked to see if EVERY single thing in the piece supported that central theme (armature)? It was delightful to discuss with my husband and sister all week.

What is the armature? it is difficult to spot because they don't come out and practically say it at the beginning but washes over you either way, and at the end, you understand that good humor, fun, and taking time for children are important to your quality of life and your very survival (after Mr. Banks goes missing after being discharged the maid speculates he might have committed suicide--and he very well might have if he had not been gradually taught what matters most--the reason for living-- throughout the piece)

That is no accident. every decision is made to support and develop the story that proves that truth in a way that reaches your soul. It starts at the very beginning when we meet Bart, who embodies the idea of living your life to create beauty in the lives of others and always taking you spoonful of sugar.

---

Lets take a look at what happens at the beginning of the movie--this is where the writers make a promise to the audience about what problems they are exploring, and what they are going to end up resolving. What problems do they present? how are they resolved?

We meet our guide, Bart, who devotes his life to making beauty in the lives of others and always takes his spoon full of sugar every day.
We meet the women, who overall are trying to avoid being burdened by the inconvenience of the children in their lives.
We meet Mr. Banks who is so far out of touch with reality, in his own world of banking (where everything is stern, no-nonsense, and beautiful) that it takes him five minutes to realize that his wife is telling him the children are missing.
The children are brought back by a constable who labels them as "valuables" that had been lost before leading them in-- no one expected the children to walk in after that announcement. The children present their broken kite and a petition for their father to help them make it a good kite.

The constable tries to provide some advice about paying attention to children but is shut down, thanked, and dismissed.

Then comes Mr. Banks' song where he dictates an ad to the Times, asking for a new nanny. It is so well disguised that you don't realize he is setting forth his worldview and his philosophy on how children should be raised--perspectives that will be directly challenged in every instance of the movie from that point on until even Mr. Banks realizes they have been disproven.

---

Watch Mary Poppins again--How does every single element of the movie work together to present the perspective of Mr. Banks-- and disprove it on every point?

Bonus questions:
How many emotionally charged objects are there? what do they mean to who, and why?

What is the song "Feed the Birds" REALLY about?

What are the most important pieces of dialog that set up the theme of the movie (before the nannies come to interview)?

[Fey Realme]

This week, focusing on finding the armature for one of my stories helped me figure out how I needed to handle the stuff in the middle of the story.

I came up with this idea for a picture book about two years ago (when I was still a recently married woman by anyone's standard) based on a combination of pushing back on the "and they got married and lived happily ever after" ending, and a fragment of an Asian fairy tale I heard once where soulmates are connected by a red thread that is tied to both of their pinky fingers.

here is my original outline and my first "finished" draft

Well, I really did not and still do not like that draft. I wrote the ending as I walked into the writing group meeting so I would have something to show--but overall this just isn't it for lots of reasons. Since then I have written a lot of drafts, and I have struggled with the ending, how to handle the interactions with the characters in the middle, and what the main character's emotional experience is (and we aren't even going to talk about how I am avoiding thinking about how do illustrate a story with a blind guy as a main character.) The other reason it felt wrong (besides the ending feeling forced and unrealistic) was that every time I told the story to someone or read it or made a draft it felt like it dragged on! Something about the conflicts in the middle made them feel like the middle was way too long--the energy was not flowing right.

Wanna know why I have been struggling with this so much? I don't know what the story is about. I know everything that needs to happen, but I don't know the most important thing: WHY and TO WHAT END--That is armature guys...
and the story felt wrong because I was not using the rule of three correctly, so the audience was always confused and bored at the same time.

Well, after telling it so many times, and thinking about it, and digging into what was inspiring the story to begin with, and listening to various episodes of the story podcast and thinking about how the structure tips from their toolbox could be better applied in my story--and FINALLY figuring out the armature last week, I was able to solve each of these problems more or less, and I made another draft with an actual thought out ending.

here it is

What do you think? is there any part that is boring or confusing?
Im planning on doing it as a sort of longer children's book but in a graphic novel sort of format, so it would be a bit transformed and less on the nose perhaps.

What would you say the armature is? (please do say what you think)
thanks for following along in this journey thread

p.s. yes I did have to stop writing this post to write the actual draft I just linked here, start to finish. (cobbling it together and rewriting from scraps of previous drafts and a draft where I only wrote the ending--it is really helpful for me to isolate/compartmentalize bits of the problem and put them together later. it feels much less overwhelming) Having to share something is, like, the only way I actually get around to doing anything writing or art-related.

[Mariana B.]

@Fey-Realme I read all the versions you linked in your post and I see you put a lot of work on them!

From the very first outline to the “first finished draft” I see how you really expanded on the concept.

As I was reading the “first draft” I could imagine visually how fun it would be seeing him dealing with the tangle at the house, and then all the landscape that he goes through.
I like very much the idea of the magical thread which although not mentioned, sounds like the perfect gift for someone who is extremely forgetful and someone who can’t see, they always can find each other.
I liked the hints of humor here and there were a refreshing note along the adventure.

Now for the final version titled “12 with a point” I must admit, and I apologize in advance, I didn’t like it the same way as I liked the other version and here is why: the tone of the story does a full 180 flip. While in the first draft Wilhelm is loving, patient, and caring, accepting that his wife is a free spirited and prone to trouble person, the Wilhelm in the final draft shows so much frustration and resentment towards her that makes me feel their marriage is in downfall.

In the first draft he goes to search her out of worry, but in the second he goes to find her in anger for not being where she belongs and almost in a threatening way he says she will be in trouble.
I know you are trying to stabilish at the end that she went on through all that trouble to help him, and he wasn’t able to see that until the end. But waiting until the very end to redeem his angry behavior didn’t work for me to make me feel better about the whole 75 percent of the story.
Indeed when he lashes out at the door and yells why bother at all, I was questioning that too. He doesn’t act like he loves Griselda, instead he acts like he is annoyed that “his girl” isn’t where she is supposed to. So why does a blind guy would go through mountains and caves to find her then? This question takes my mind to sinister conclusions, which I know is not at all what you are trying to do.

At some point at the end he says that his frustration was because he felt lonely sad and hurt, but that is not really shown anywhere, only we see his bursts of anger.
I personally would like to see those emotions in the first story, where this compassionate man who is practically blind, worries not only for his wife, but then he is hit by the realization of his loneliness without her.
In short, I liked the 1st draft, but with the ending of the second draft( from the moment she puts the glasses on him)

Regarding the armature, I’m not very sure, it seems that what he learns is that he was seeing the wife, and her actions through a wrong lens , what he took as uncaring and reckless was actually her caring. But as mentioned before, having read both stories one after the other, the second one didn’t make me feel that the ending was earned. Maybe if I hadn’t read the first draft and only had seen the last one my opinion wouldn’t be so biased, but I guess it all goes down to the kind of feeling each person wants to feel when we enter into a story, something I think I remember listening in one of sanderson’s lectures (and very possibly some other places too) as “promise of the tone” .

I really hope this feedback is helpful. I always aspire to give honest and open opinions but internally I always worry they will be taken wrongly. But I believe as creators we can always take and discard what aligns or not with our vision.

[Fey Realme]

@Mariana-B thank you so much for your time and your honest feedback! it is really helpful! That is valuable insight thank you so much!

I have really been struggling with the emotional journey of Wilhem because (after 4 years of marriage) I am constantly being reminded that men experience life very differently from women and that they experience emotions and stimuli (in a way) much more strongly. I want to portray the real experience of a man, not my feminine imagination of how they are.

Some recent discussions with my husband helped me see a bit better than men (to use a camera analogy) tend to have the exposure way up, so things are perceived with much less range of value and lots of areas might be washed out completely by the intense input (light in this case, feelings and stimuli in real life). In the same camera analogy, women tend to have the lens more dilated (with less exposure) so we can process the world, our feelings, and the outside stimuli with an enormous range of value (lots of nuances). That is why men can often seem one-dimensional to us ladies who live in a world of such nuance inside and out. Also, another striking difference between men and women is that women can jump around from emotion to emotion very quickly, while men are physically locked into negative emotions for a lot longer than women (this is why men tend to avoid engaging in relationship conflict or any negative stimuli because once they get worked up it takes a long time for the feeling to go away).
Men are less expressive about their emotional experience so it is easy to assume that they feel less, but that is just not the case.

so these are some things about the male experience that I have learned, and I really want to reflect these realities in my story. My main goals are to 1) show that "they were married and lived happily ever after" is a lie, marriage is the beginning of a difficult and crazy adventure and you are not going to magically live happily ever after 2) validate the male emotional experience, 3) show the reader that anger is only a surface emotion that is used to avoid dealing with more painful feelings, that cover up basic needs, and to show that addressing the need is the best way to resolve the bad relationship behavior.
I saw this idea first articulated in this article "The relationship needs circle: a way to understand and improve bad relationship behavior"
this is an article about men processing emotions, and why they choose anger reactions instead of facing more vulnerable feelings "Men and Emotions"

I want to model a marriage that is in a bad place, and show how it can be taken to a good place simply by changing how we see our partners and what they do. Marriage in real life is full of difficult emotions and conflict because two very different, very flawed people are trying to build a life together--but it can be so beautiful if you are willing to let go of your own blindness and choose to see the other person with love and compassion, and work to understand and meet their needs instead of reacting to things you don't like about them or their experience.

I really appreciate your perspective on how it read, maybe I can include more hints of the sadness, loneliness, and hurt that show they are there, but he is choosing anger to avoid feeling them. I will definitely add something to show he doesn't have violent intentions, and that he does love her. It is very important to me to show that he is a good guy, who has strong feelings, but he wants to be reconciled to his wife, he just doesn't know how. No one is the villain in their own story

To be honest, I liked the husband from the first draft better too, and I like imagining my husband that way, but it isn't true--YET. And the only way to get there is to understand how he really experiences the world, and love him enough long enough, and teach him clearly enough that he grows into that kind of person. I can't emphasize enough how important it is to see your spouse for who they are and accept how they really experience the world if you want to meet them where they are and help them grow through their insecurities and traumas (that is a beautiful marriage)

I would be very grateful if you could have a man in your life read the draft and ask if it is a real representation of how they might feel and react in similar situation.

again thank you so much for your time! it means a lot!
can I return the favor at all? I would be glad to proof read anything that you are working on

[Mariana B.]

@Fey-Realme I love that camera analogy which gives me a different perspective to emotions and how men work differently! I can see now that the story is more mature than what appeared in the first draft, which is a great things, showing emotions in a different light. And I like your goal to show that happily ever after is a lie, it makes that line at the beginning “they lived happily ever after. The end” make sense now.
With that new insight I can see that the last draft aligns more with what you are trying to portray!

I think since the mini prologue doesn’t take much word count you can add more details to the first act before he goes out searching for her.
I was reading a book that talked in detail about how sometimes in fiction we go along following a main character that is “not likeable”, and sometimes even very bad or mean, the main goal is to make us feel identified with him in some way, sympathy, empathy, or even understanding of what situations have made the character react or act the way they do.

After he wakes up and sees the mess in the house, he goes to a series of things where he says “again” multiple times, but if you “showed” that, like when in the movies make a montage of scenes from different days or months string together, we could see him one day tripping over her tangled thread mess and hurting himself, another day maybe he has spend all day finding(because he is blind) the chicken eggs just to have her carelessly knocks them over with her thread trailing after her, or something like that, where we see how the happy marriage is turning grey and how he is becoming frustrated. That way instead of being “told”, we would see his frustration building up and would feel sympathy or even empathy.
But that wouldn’t answer the why does he go to get her. I think adding a way to show that he also has other feelings would be very important even if he chooses anger to be the expressed one just to understand “why” is this character still married at all? Is he just possessive or does he have other feelings towards her?

A silly example is like in the incredibles movie, after they can’t be super heroes anymore, Mr incredible is extremely unsatisfied with his life, he is detached, but he also explodes in anger, but we understand why because we saw why he is so frustrated with life. Same with elasticgirl, she also displays anger at the beginning because we see how she feels she is the only one in the family trying hard to not get them discovered, so we understand why she is so frustrated at her family.

When he goes out to find her I think making it extra clear there is a caring reason for him, a blind guy, go out in the wilderness to find her, instead of him going just because she got lost and deserves punishment.

Lastly now that I understand your goal better, I think the act 2 should show more the progression from A to Z. I still feel the change of emotion at the end felt un-earned. I think the encounters through the adventure should help him encounter, see and act on his growth. The grumpy character at the cave seems to be a reflection of him, who could end up alone, the shepherd, although I liked the message I think it could be “shown” instead of told.

Thank you for taking the time to explaining the goal, I see now that instead of the “feel good” fairy tale I thought it was at first, is really a grounded story with honest and real depictions of emotions and relationships!

Edit: somehow I missed the last line of your message. I am still working on inking and finishing my “mini comic from the Comics Workshop . I really hope to finish it before the end of the year lol so I can go back to my story for my GN before the GN Pro launches.
I have 2 half baked ideas and I have to decide which one I will want to try to use for the class, once I decide, I would love to share my outline and get feedback! That will be super helpful and hopefully will get me back in motion, thank you for offering!

[AthenaBeana]

@Fey-Realme Hello! I read your story (12 with a point). I really liked it! It reminds me of a fairytale. It has the special kind of feel all good fairytales have. I would have absolutely picked up this book at the library and read it as soon as I got home.

One thing that confused me was the dragon suddenly showing up. It felt kind of random. Is it there to highlight his blindness? I say this because it didn't seem to serve a deeper purpose. Because it has the spirit of a fairytale, it just strikes me as odd that one encounter with a creature didn't teach him anything.

Fairytales tend to function on the rule of 3s and there are usually 3 encounters (usually with three different animals/humans) before the hero reaches their goal. For characters like Wilhelm who need to learn, the 3 encounters would function as lessons. You do have 3 beings that he runs into before he comes to town -the dragon, miner, and shepherd. From my point of view, the miner serves as a warning and the shepherd points out his inability to see differently. The dragon is out of place. You could change the dragon to be more impactful or you could cut it and add another character. Perhaps the story would benefit from another teaching encounter before he reaches his wife?

Armature is the lesson, right? I think the lesson is that it is important to change your point of view and see the world through different lenses to truly appreciate life.
I do really love the story! Hope my feedback was helpful!

[Fey Realme]

@Mariana-B im glad it makes more sense and you can see the story is going in the right direction for what I am trying to do. I really appreciate the further thoughts on the story and I will take them into consideration as I try and make a script for what information gets shown visually. I want to do it in a sort of graphic novel style, we will see how it goes. I think with what I want to include visually and what happens in the text it should rest easier.

If you want to talk on chat I would love to hear your half-baked ideas and that is a good place to share the outline--Id love to read it

[Fey Realme]

@AthenaBeana that is a really good point about the dragon--I want the dragon to be a warning about how destructive uncontrolled anger is, and the dwarf is a warning about how bottled-up anger leads to resentment and eventually isolation. thinking about that concern you raised helped me think a bit more about how the visuals could answer those questions. I want to show his wife's quest plans in the visuals-- she has to go to the dragon to get scales, the dwarf to get enchanted silver, and the town to have them put together as glasses, so that way it makes more sense. I will keep thinking about if there is any way, visually or through text, to make the dragon's warning more clear.

thank you so much for your time and feedback! If you are working on anything or have any half-baked ideas you are mulling around I would be very happy to read them! Feel free to drop me a chat or anything! I

[Mariana B.]

@Fey-Realme I didn’t know there is a chat feature in the forum

[AthenaBeana]

@Fey-Realme I'm glad I could help some!
Your explanation makes total sense and I'm sure the visuals will help make the story a lot clearer!
For some reason, I was imagining the miner as a grizzled human dude with a headlamp on his head. Pictures really do make all the difference!

Thank you for the offer! Right now though, I'm not overly comfortable sharing. I'm pretty shy. I'm currently attempting to work up the courage to post some artwork. Thank you again. You're very kind!

[Fey Realme]

@Mariana-B yeah it is the word bubble icon next to the notification bell. press it and then hit all chats, then enter my name in the search bar to start a chat

@AthenaBeana if you didn't know about the chat function, that is an option, i understand it is nerve-racking to share stuff! i'm nice though and if you tell me what you are going for and what sort of feedback you want I promise not to get intense!