@Katherine I love your work! This is a wonderfully creative mashup of magic and Rube Goldberg. I think it's a readability issue, both the story and the fact that everything had to be so small to fit into a spread. The shapes were complex and irregular to be so small. But even if the elements were larger, I'm still not sure I'd get the story except that it's some kind of magical factory. And dangit, I want to know!
The only specific drawing/rendering critique I have is that the leaf mass almost reads more as rock forms and could use a bit more of a careful design. And something about the way the two masses balance out could use more design. I sort of want to see the deposits area smaller in comparison to the tree. As for readability, maybe a bit more contrast, especially in the room with the conveyor belt, would help. But basically, you could take what you have, play with size, shape and contrast, and give us some more story elements. But don't ditch it!
Those wacky silhouettes of the contraptions in both areas are great. There's so much going on there that looks interesting that I want to know more about it, and that's no small order. In fact, it's the most valuable part. So keep up the good work and don't let not making the Top 16 get you down. Hey, you already won once, and that's better than I've done, so kudos to you! (In fact, come to think of it, if I remember correctly your winning piece eliminated mine early on ! Hahaha! )