Need Feedback. I live with an engineer ;)
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Hi Katie, congrats on your first PB. Is there anything you're wanting us to focus on in terms of feedback?
The rendering looks beautiful, so my questions and notes to you are more focused on the story being told. What story is being told, not just for this scene but for the overall book? You say they're going on a journey--and that usually entails a problem to start, that's then resolved at the end. What emotions are you wanting to convey with this scene? They all are smiling, so they seem happy. But then why are they being sent off on a journey at night? I'd think that maybe there's a problem that needs to be resolved, and if so, shouldn't they be expressing anxiousness or determination instead?
The kids are rendered well, but what are their ages? They seem on the older end of the picture book reader spectrum (3-8 years), venturing into middle grade. Is that your intention?
And the path they're walking on--shouldn't it be wider where they are? Or they should be smaller? The path reads like a road for cars on the right, but like a sidewalk on the left. They seem to be in a forested area, so wouldn't it be a rougher dirt path?
Just some things to think about. But the overall look of this piece is really beautiful and dreamy. I like the palette and the clouds and stars and the moonlight on everything.
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Hi Johanna,
Thanks so much for your feedback. All of your suggestions really helped me to see things that I couldn't see before. I realized that I probably shouldn't say much more about the story since I'm not the author but I can go off of what you suggested and take things from there.
I'm going to redo the pathway a little bit as well. It does seem a little bit to narrow at the top and too much like a road on the right hand side. You are right about that.
Thanks again,
Katie -
The kids ages is what I was going to say as well. But also solidarity, my husband isn't an engineer but he is also really analytically minded and when I ask his opinion on things I get the opposite of what I expect lol.
I love the colors and the feeling of the piece! -
I don’t see any glaring issues. One thing I noticed is the tangents that occur with the girl to the left of the teacher and the moon. Maybe adjust the positioning of the girl or the moon to address that.
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@Griffin Thank you. I did not notice that while I was working on it so I can adjust that a little bit. Thanks for the feedback.
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@HeatherBouteneff
Hi Heather,
Thank you for the feedback as well. I might make some tweaks to the kids to make them look younger. I asked my husband what was wrong with a dog portrait that I was doing today and he actually did help me out a lot. I guess I didn’t give him enough credit
Thanks again! -
Hello Heather,
The contrast of shadow and light works well on the hills to the right. Also, as this is a journey, which usually entails struggle and growth, the rising hills on the right support that premise.
In connection to that, the perspective of the hill might be a bit high, unless that first drop is part of the journey.
Also, the moon is more elliptical than round. And isn't yet high enough to cast the shadows on the opposite side of the hill where they are standing. If the hill they are on were flattened a bit it might address both of these.
However, I'm new to the forum and this may be a more stylized approach.The perspective in the sky creating distance with the smaller and dimmer stars makes a lovely night sky.
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@Abellebeingart
Hi! Thank you for the feedback. I really appreciate it. I'm going to take a look at the comments again and go over this piece when I am able to later this week. Thanks again.
