26 Jan 2019, 12:41

I read this chapter last week but had been procrastinating over my reflection on it because, like @Laurel-Aylesworth my primary feeling was, "I don't have that many ideas." Rather than "idea debt," I struggle more with "idea desert."

Of the three debts she describes, however, Idea Debt P is closest to what I experience in that I spend a lot more time on learning and preparing than I do on doing. I have a dozen half viewed SVS videos because one minute I decide I'm going to learn how to watercolor, another how to do pen and ink, and yet another how to do digital painting. I attribute some of that to being new-ish at my art. I've played around with it before but it's only in the last two years that I decided to get serious and figure out what I'm doing. There is so much I want to try that it's hard to stick with one thing long enough to become competent at it.

I agree with the author's statement that the best way to deal with it is to produce more work and set yourself a deadline which is why after Christmas I started doing an illustration/story prompt that I send to my five year old niece every month for which she is supposed to write a story. (OK, she's actually my grand-niece but it makes me feel so old to call her that!) I still get bogged down in figuring out which style I'm going to do for each picture but it forces me finally to make a choice and see an illustration through to the end. For example, when I painted my recent picture of Evelyn the Bat flying out of the cave, I started out thinking I was going to do it as primarily line work with a light wash but when that wasn't working, I tried full watercolor which was still a struggle. Knowing I had to send the picture to my niece by the end of the month, however, I finally committed to a style, re-did the composition, and saw it through. There was lots of gnashing of my teeth but at least I got it done.

So here is my list of things I carry around in my head. They are not projects per se but they certainly get in the way of my focus:

  1. I'm going to learn how to paint watercolors that are so artistic that a friend of mine who is more into fine arts than illustrations will be impressed 🙂

  2. I am going to learn how to digitally paint illustrations in the style of some of the incredible artists on SVS so that I can feel like I belong here

  3. I am going to learn to do pen and ink in a style that is reminiscent of E. H. Shepherd because it reminds me of the illustrations of my childhood

  4. I am going to learn to do watercolor illustrations in the style of Beatrix Potter because she is considered an icon of illustrators so if I can paint like she did, I'll believe I'm a decent artist.

As you can see, most of my roadblocks are internal insecurities about the legitimacy of what I am doing. I think that's one of the hazards of being an amateur -- without the credentials of an art degree, I always feel a little like an imposter and am afraid that I am not even trained enough to tell whether my work is even any good. The forum has helped me realize that art degrees don't protect people from that feeling so I'm starting to worry a little less about it but it's still there. In fact, honestly, my initial reaction to this chapter was: "I must not be a real artist because I don't have tons of ideas floating around in my head."