Could use feedback

Rebecca Hirsch · 2 Sept 2016, 04:03

Working on something new, I welcome any suggestions on whether this sketch is working or not before I go to paint. Thanks in advance.

smceccarelli · 2 Sept 2016, 04:33

Nice, unusual point of view! I think the situation and emotions are well captured. I would consider moving around the viewpoint a little (shifting it slightly to the side of the action) - I know this would mean re-drawing everything, so maybe an easier thing would be to move the girl closer to us into another spot. At the moment, as we do not see the rest of her body, it looks likes she is growing out of the grumpy man´s neck.
A couple of minor things: the girl in the back does not look like she is sitting, rather floating hinged on her heels
And I had to look a few times to understand that the shape on the man´s had was a hat and not some kind of odd hairdo - but I guess that problem would disappear when color is added.
Good job, looking forward to see it finished!

Rebecca Hirsch · 2 Sept 2016, 05:21

Yeah, I have some concerns about the position of the child behind the back. I may have to adjust the composition so we can see that whole body. The girl who threw the snowball is jumping up in shock - I better put some shadow underneath her to show she's off the ground. Erg. Having one of those days where I don't like anything I've drawn today. Oh, well, tomorrow's another day.

Rebecca Hirsch · 2 Sept 2016, 05:23

@smceccarelli Thanks! I will be adding some more details so some objects like the hat are more easily understood.

Chip Valecek · 3 Sept 2016, 13:29

I also feel that the girl in back is sitting vs jumping. I believe its the angle of her legs. I also think she should be smaller since she is in the back. Right now at her size I would think she is on the same level as the old man. Keep going looks like its going to be a fun piece when its all done!

Rebecca Hirsch · 4 Sept 2016, 03:42

@Chip-Valecek That's a good point, I will alter her size. I added some shadow underneath her and it does read better, but I will play with the legs and see if I can improve it more. Thanks.

MOO · 4 Sept 2016, 07:18

I wish I had a bigger screen so I could see the whole thing at once. I get the feeling that everything is kind of squished up to the front behind teh manand the background is very empty. Maybe the girls could just be repositoned a little bit back farther. If I could see the whole thing it would be easier to tell. Otherwise I really like it. I agree that if the oner girl is jumping she'll need some shadows underneath or something because I thought sh ewas sitting in the snow with her legs out. Really cute.

Kevin Longueil · 4 Sept 2016, 17:55

@Marsha-Kay-Ottum-Owen Hey Marsha - if you double tap an image it will show you the entire piece in a new window (usually you can also open image in a new tab too i believe depending on what you are using... there always seems to be a way to see the whole thing though

evilrobot · 4 Sept 2016, 19:44

I like the idea. I agree with the advice that has been given already. I think you make a few tweaks and you'll have a really nice image.

MOO · 5 Sept 2016, 02:18

@Kevin-Longueil oh! it worked. Thanks, Kevin!

Rebecca Hirsch · 6 Sept 2016, 03:37

I have pulled it apart and made it a horizontal format instead. I will post an update before I go to color. Thanks for the comments, all.

Rebecca Hirsch · 28 Sept 2016, 05:11

Decided to go ahead and start color - meanwhile here's a companion piece to this one. I designed it to be the book cover.

Rebecca Hirsch · 30 Sept 2016, 04:18

Livened up the color a bit, in places, dulled it in others. I think I'll call it "Finished, not perfect".

Rebecca Hirsch · 2 Oct 2016, 04:29

Here's the first one. Let me know if you think the snowball to the head isn't clear enough. Still need to add some final touches but posting for feedback. Thanks all.

Rebecca Hirsch · 2 Oct 2016, 04:30

Also, I have a softer ink line on this one. Might re-ink the other so it's not such a hard line, since my paint is style is softer. Thoughts or comments welcome.

Kevin Longueil · 2 Oct 2016, 23:21

@Rebecca-Hirsch Hello Rebecca i love the color on this one and the story of course - i like the idea of the girl in the air - it is the thing that i keep coming back to though - my mind tries to get the chronology of events right and i keep getting stuck on how she ended up in the air and how she is there at that particular moment - if this were an animation it would be obvious what is happening - it could be just me - i did a quick paint over that probably kills the spirit of what you are going for so i apologize - i was trying to get the man having been hit and the girl having thrown the snowball on the same timeline - there would be many other ways to do this i think - the main thing i tried to do was to make the mitten that was her throwing hand pop by making it light against dark - hopefully making us think "she just threw that snowball" anyways... i really do like the piece - feel free to ignore this

I did paint out the house too... if you draw through and finish the house i think it might end up on the sidewalk - you could also scoot it over a bit too.......it just struck me though that it might be a walkway to the house and not a sidewalk at all

Rebecca Hirsch · 3 Oct 2016, 04:16

@Kevin-Longueil I was trying to show her shock that she threw a snowball and hit her neighbor in the head with it, but I think your pose tells the story better. I think I will give the pose a try. The second house is supposed to belong to the kids, but maybe it doesn't need to show at all in this piece. I will paint it out and see what I think, or try moving it. Thank you for helping me look at the piece differently.