20 Sept 2022, 23:47
I too can’t clearly see the flooding at this stage, also I think it looks better without the text. The story is pretty clear. Great characters and composition!
The Cloud King WIP | Feedback please!
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Hi everyone!
Does the story read clearly, or can you think of any ways to make it more straightforward?
Long story short: It's been raining so long, that the village is starting to flood. A couple of kids conclude the Cloud King must not be potty trained and set off to solve the problem (i.e. bring him a stash of diapers).
Any other feedback? I'm not super happy with the village yet, so I might experiment with it a bit more.
Thanks!
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@miranda-hoover I think this is a clever idea. I didn't get the part that the village was flooding though, just that the kids didn't want the rain anymore. I would show more of the village with flooding if that is the story. Also, it is very cute! Love the idea and drawing.
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kiminyrose/
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I didn't pick up on the flooding below, but part of that is that was happening below the fold when I first looked at the image on my monitor. Still, I saw a cute cloud and cute kids in an emotionally-compelling scene where they're pleading for help over something.
So I got the main gist of the image. Felt it.
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I too can’t clearly see the flooding at this stage, also I think it looks better without the text. The story is pretty clear. Great characters and composition!
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@Kim-Rosenlof Yay, thanks! Ok! I'll keep that in mind while I re-work the village.
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@KevinTreaccar Great! Thanks! The flooding is secondary, so I'm glad the main point comes across. I'll work on the village a bit more and hopefully that will be easier to spot. Thanks!
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@Asyas_illos I'll work on that, thanks! I ended up with a large open spot so thought I would try the text there
But I'll try it again without. Thanks! -
@miranda-hoover As I said, the city is "below the fold." That might be web design industry speak. If it is, "below the fold" is everything cut off that you have to scroll to see.
This is what I see when I open on my computer:
I scrolled down to look, but there's so much compelling story happening with just the kids, that I'm not sure I ever scrolled down enough to take the entire picture in before I jumped deeper into the thread.
I think the city as is works right now. It's good interesting detail, but living in its secondary position well. It is your story to tell, though.
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Super cute! I love it!
Is there a way to draw the eye more to the kids handing over the diaper? Because then I don’t think you’d need to have the text present. As for the flooding, I would maybe add some windows to the houses where you have the water level, to show that the water level is beyond the grass line. Maybe a small amount of shading on the sides of the houses to slightly emphasize the water line ( not enough to draw a ton of focus, just to create clairity ) -
@KevinTreaccar You were clear, but I suppose I was a bit too tired/out of it to do the same
Thanks for the feedback! -
@AngelinaKizz Thanks! Hopefully, I'll be able to draw more attention to them with shading and everything. I'm working on the sketch more and now how some more detail in the village. Thanks for the feedback!
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Here is the new version of the village with more detail. I decided less is more and took out a lot of the houses--which makes me feel a lot better! Still planning to add more detail to the water, but not sure exactly how I want to go about it...
Haven't quite decided what I want to do about the text
I experimented with a couple of things, but I might wait till I have the shading in to make a decision. -
@miranda-hoover are you going to keep his crown? It was so cute!
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@miranda-hoover I think the image is solid without the text and having the image cropped in allows the viewer to focus in on the village as well. Also, agree with @Asyas_illos that the crown was really cute.
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Thanks, @Asyas_illos and @Stephanie-H ! Glad you like the crown! It's still there--I'd just grabbed a screenshot last time to show the village WIP.
Here's a look at the inking WIP and trying it out without the text. My next challenge is the water & rain
Looking at it on the screen I think I'll need to thicken some of the lines--probably on the kids too
I think I'll attempt an ink wash for shading, since that fits the wet/rainly feel... -
@miranda-hoover Your line work is always so clean and beautiful. Agree with you about thickening some of the lines where you want to draw our eyes. Also like the idea of an ink wash for the rain. Watch out for the toilet paper role in the bottom right corner. It's a bit squashed/flattened. Looking forward to seeing the finished illustration.
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I didn’t understand the story. Even though it’s clear that the town is being rained on and the kids are bringing the clouds king diapers I think this story is a little too complex to convey in a single image personally. Despite that I absolutely love the design and the contrast in scale that you have going on here.
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@Johanna-Kim Thanks!
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@Griffin-McPherson Oh no! It's probably too late for me to make any big changes, though. Do you know if adding text back in will help at all?
Thanks for the feedback! Happy you like the design.
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@miranda-hoover after seeing your latest version that shows the flooding of the town my clearly I think the story is more understandable. I wouldn’t worry about texts and generally they don’t like text for the contest pieces anyways