SCBWI Mystery

julian beresford · 5 Sept 2017, 17:48

@bharris I like the new expressions in the second panel, I still think the viewer is far away from the action/fun in the last panel though

bharris · 5 Sept 2017, 20:34

@tombarrettillo Thanks!
@julian-beresford That really helped a lot. I know it could be better, but this is what I decided to go with.

I got some help from @Rich-Green who helped me get the girl in teh last panel on the same plain as the rest. Here is where I'm at with color. I'm trying to keep the line work and texture as a part of the image, to hopefully get away from the digital look that most of my work has. I'm wondering if this is working...? I don't like doing stuff really lightly colored, but is is going together well? The kids in the first panel aren't done, but you can tell where it's going a bit.

julian beresford · 5 Sept 2017, 23:27

@bharris I think the way your colouring Is great, It works really well - it has a nice textured traditional feel to it.

Tyson Ranes · 5 Sept 2017, 23:29

@bharris these are fantastic

bharris · 5 Sept 2017, 23:38

@julian-beresford and @Tyson-Ranes Thank you, I wasn't sure if it was coming out well. More eyes are so helpful!

Rich Green · 6 Sept 2017, 00:06

@bharris looking great and I think you are hitting the style you are going for very well too!

TessaW · 6 Sept 2017, 00:45

Ok, so I was hesitant to post this comment, because I'm not sure how important it is, but the warm light source in the first image is coming from the left, and then it switches to the right in the second image. I think I might be being picky about this, because I've been studying light and shade, but maybe it doesn't really matter? Either way it's looking really good. My one suggestion would be to maybe add more orange light to some of the edges of the man, but that might be personal taste.

Anyway, I think it's looking really appealing. Love the overall color palette and the way you've kept the drawing elements.

bharris · 6 Sept 2017, 01:12

@Rich-Green Thank you!

@TessW I can't make the ghost face emoji... but darn it! I was going to tone down the warmth just a bit anyway, so maybe it's just emoting more than being direct. My original thought with the grandpa was that he was just a total shadow, but I like your suggestion, it looks good. Thanks Tess! Congratulations on winning the contest, that piece is outstanding!!

Gary Wilkinson · 6 Sept 2017, 02:33

Awesome work and the changes you already made seems to help fixed a lot of what I would have mentioned. The subtle coloring is great and the only thing I would mention is that I think it would be nice if the grandpa on the 2nd image didnt have the dark haze around him (especially on the upper part) and if he was ever so slightly darkened. I think tess made a good point about the orange light on the edges of his body and to push the orange on the kids a touch more.

I wouldn't complain if that was the finished piece though, just throwing out ideas

bharris · 6 Sept 2017, 12:53

@Gary-Wilkinson I think you're right, I might tone it down more around his arms and head, then his silhouette will come through more. Thanks for the insight Gary!

bharris · 12 Sept 2017, 18:11

Thank you for all the feedback guys! I was hoping to get one more look at this before I send it in tomorrow. Any glaring issuses, color fixes, etc.

Kevin Longueil · 12 Sept 2017, 20:08

@bharris This is so good!! For critique i think all that pops out is that perhaps in the last image the old man's upper legs seem very short and his lower legs in that spot seem to have equal mass to the upper leg...does this make sense - the creases where the fabric bunch on his left leg seem too high giving the feeling that they were kind of squeezed in above the magnifying glass which is throwing the anatomy off too - i would have someone take this pose and see what it looks like - if i'm ever really stuck on making a pose work i will use something called "retake tool" on my iPad - i save may drawing to "photos" and load it into the retake tool and set it's opacity to about 50% - at that point i have the camera ready to go with an onion skin of my drawing over what i'm seeing - then i can have someone get into the pose with my drawing superimposed over them and it's pretty easy to get an excellent reference photo in this way - anyways feel free to ignore.....really nice piece!! ( good luck in the competition

julian beresford · 12 Sept 2017, 23:24

@bharris these illustrations came out great, love the rendering, great work

bharris · 13 Sept 2017, 03:24

@Kevin-Longueil Thank you. Yes, I was trying to hide the knees, I really didn't work them in from the start. I'll work on making them more correct. Glad you like it!

@julian-beresford Thanks for looking!!