June 2016 X was the only X who didn't care for X



  • Hello,

    So, I really liked the art I did for that prompt last year. "Rosie McFinn is the only mermaid who didn't care for silverfish" which, is because silverfish eat books. I'm finally getting around to reworking it and want to get feedback on it. The top one is the original, and the bottom one is the new idea, which since the prompt is over, I've changed the text. I've also made the silverfish more silverfishy.

    I've removed the color that I submitted so to focus on lineart. Would love to hear pro's and con's of the old and the new and what's preferred. Am totally open to all thoughts 🙂

    Thanks!

    Dan0_1500414638379_Capture.JPG



  • Eeeew silverfish. I think the newest version is a great improvement. The characterizations of the silverfish, octopus, and shark are awesome. That octopus is so cute! The only thing I feel isn't as strong is the mermaid's pose and how she's holding her books. I'm not sure what the solution would be, but did you play around with poses?



  • Thanks Tess!
    For Rosie, I wanted more of a mad look since she's onto the silverfish vs. being afraid of it. And I thought adding more books would show she's a booklover. Can you explain a bit more about the poses comment or give an example?



  • Perhaps you could bring Rosie out to the front more so she is not covered up by the octopus, and overlapping the shark (maybe have her swimming up between the two). That might give you a better opportunity to adjust how she holds the books. Also, her tail is a bit too curvy. I would take it down to a simple "S" curve.



  • I don't find anything wrong with her expression or the amount of books she's holding, I just find the pose to not be as strong. It doesn't look quite natural to me. It almost feels as if she's swimming forward, rather than waiting in line? I think a bit of exploration on how her body is holding the books, could help.

    I played with the pose a bit, changing how she's holding the books, but I think more exploration in the shape and position of her tail might also be in order.

    0_1500417712037_silverfish.jpg



  • Thanks Tom and Tess, that helps!

    Dan

    www.dansorensen.com



  • Ok, now that I know she is waiting in line, I agree with @TessW that her pose needs adjustment. Usually you see a idle mermaid in an upright "standing" position with the tail back. That might help make the line more obvious. Also, I would pull the shelves further away from the characters with a change in perspective. As it is now, the shark appears to be perusing the books rather than in line.



  • After some great feedback, here is the updated version. Thoughts?0_1501113044237_Capture4.JPG



  • Hi I love the changes you have made. It's looking really good! The one query I had when looking at it is why does only the mermaid hate silverfish? Surely all book lovers would be annoyed with the librarian eating the books. Is there more of the story that needs telling in the text or the image to make this clearer.



  • Hi Sarah!

    Thank you! So, silverfish are known for eating paper and are enemies of books. Originally since all that I had were mermaids and silverfish, she was the only mermaid. Since taking them out, and I agree with you that it seemed a bit convuluted, I changed the wording "Rosie could't believe that the head librarian was the one responsible for the eaten books, but the answer was right in front of her". Feeback I got on that from others was that the brevity of the original was gone, so I changed her to "booklover" as there were no other mermaids. But it seems the confusion is still there.
    Thanks for the input Sarah.

    Dan



  • @daniel-sorensen Hey Daniel - I am liking this drawing! - i think for me the confusion is in knowing that silverfish are not aquatic - would it be possible to just remove the silverfish reference entirely or make the librarian into another aquatic creature and name her "Mrs. Silverfish" ..... "Mrs. Silverfish, it would seem, did not share Rosie's reverence for the written word" And maybe Rosie and the rest are all looking shocked or surprised - just a thought - i'm sure this will turn out well when you are done - i checked out your website - i really like the vigorous colored pencil drawings - really very nice!



  • @kevin-longueil Thanks Kevin! Ack! Silverfish aren't aquatic? Oh man, that really throws a wrench into this/didn't do my research. Hmm, well, I'm not sure what I'll do at this point. But thanks for that insight. And I really dig your art as well, thank you!



  • Hi all, ok, this is the final that I worked up. Took over a year, but at least it's better than before. 0_1508097434807_RosieFinalLorex.JPG