First time posting - looking for some critical feedback
Hello, all. Lovely to see you. Thanks for stopping here to take a look at my piece. If you've got any feedback, would love to hear from you. My current issue is I'm trying to push some uniqueness in my style. I'm intentionally warping perspective here to make it look more flat and design-y. !
amberwingart last edited by amberwingart
I love this! So far it's looking great, but there are a few things that sort of threw me:
- Right now it looks like the toothbrush is behind the dino's mouth...it might read better if you overlapped some edges
- The shower curtain is almost bigger than the dino and it's sort of awkwardly poking him in the neck, trapping him in that space. It might look a little better if you make the shower curtain just a little smaller and make it not touch his neck (it can still be leading the eye to his head without actually touching him)
- The towel is unnecessary in that spot and his tail is leading the eye to it, making it a distraction. It might be better to move the shower curtain over and put a small hand towel next to the sink or something, if you'd like to include one.
I'm sorry - I wish I could do a draw over for you, as I know how helpful they can be, but unfortunately I don't have a program to do that...But I really like this piece a lot! I hope those suggestions were helpful
Amber. Great advice. Thanks for chiming in, it is so greatly appreciated. Sometimes after working on a piece all day it's hard to see it clearly. I went ahead and made the adjustments you suggested. I cropped the bathroom wall on the left to make it feel a bit more cramped in this little bathroom with this big dinosaur. I added length to the toothbrush and changed the tilt of it by reversing the direction of the girls hands on the brush. I vignetted the piece a bit more to give a greater area of contrast on the focal point.
Kevin Longueil last edited by
@Larissa-Brown-Marantz Hey Larissa - i like this piece and the changes you've made - a couple things for me that attract my eye would be the saturated stripes at the end of the tail - those saturated oranges really pull my eye to them - possibly putting more saturated ones closer to the dinosaurs face or just desaturating the ones on the end of the tail would help keep that from being the focal point - the other is the girl's right hand - her fingers are all the same length and are in a closed fist - this makes it look like the toothbrush handle does not have any thickness at that point - one last thing might be the line near the end of the tail on the bottom side has a slight break to it and might bebe better as a smooth line - not sure though - anyways - it does look very nice!
@Kevin-Longueil Good points! Thank you for mentioning it.
Marsha Kay Ottum Owen last edited by
Everyone elses suggestions were really good. I just want to say that I liek the composition. Very cute It makes me think of my little grandson when I brush his teeth
Nazuba last edited by
A lot has already been covered with previous feedbacks already!
Some points that comes to my mind are these:
- I learned it from you (the way you asked me questions in my post) that a bit more background story should always accompany posts like this. Is this girl dreaming? did she just bring a dino home one day? is she being secretive about it or her parents are out?
- Does styling just for the sake of styling make sense? I'm not sure, but I love it lol!
- To me, the lighting of the room looks like what you would normally have in an indoor bathroom whereas the room has no roof meaning sunlight is coming in? in that case the shadows could be adjusted more.
- Maybe the mirror could have the dinosaurs reflection?
amberwingart last edited by
@Larissa-Brown-Marantz It's looking awesome!! I agree with Kevin's suggestions about the minor tweaks, but otherwise it's looking great!
AllisonMisak last edited by
@Nazuba am I totally crazy? I completely just thought the ceiling was blue! Is there really not supposed to be a roof? lol
It really love this, even more with the small changes made.
Jiří Kůs last edited by
I like the rhytm of the lines. its like like waves. The problem I see that the tail leads my eye out of the image. Maybe something to lead the eye back? Maybe zoom out a bit? Just a feeling.
Also I would get rid of the line on arms and legs unless the dinosaur is a ghost and you can see through
Overall it works for me. Nice piece.
evilrobot last edited by
@Larissa-Brown-Marantz I love the characters and the idea. I also really like how you rendered the dinosaur with the exception of the lines that go through it's arm and leg. To me the perspective of the background is just too crazy the characters do not fit the perspective of the scene. I also think the characters could be moved a bit to to fill the scene better. I'd almost like to put the dinosaurs tail right in that top corner and angle it a bit more and move the girl just a bit more towards the center of the image. That would put her more in the point of interest in the bottom third of the image.
@AllisonMisak No, you're not crazy. The ceiling is blue.
@Nazuba AAAaahhhhhh.... you got me back. good one. Yes, I have to think about all of those things. I realized that I really have been approaching my art strictly from a design sense and have been neglecting the narrative part (ridiculous, I know) but strangely enough, the light bulb has been switched on in my brain and I'm looking back at a lot of my finished pieces and thinking of reworking them to make the narrative more interesting.
And I totally was lame and lazy and didn't add the dino's reflection in there. You caught me. I need to go back and add that.... sigh..."Pain is temporary, suck is forever"
@evilrobot thanks for your thoughts. I was trying to incorporate these intersecting lines in the design of my pieces.... I'm really into the Futurist art movement.... but it may or may not be the right place to do it. This is what I'm experimenting with stylistically. My main focus should be on the narrative and I've heard recently that you should only include what is essential for the story. So, I'm torn. I like it, but is it working or is it hindering? Your thoughts are that it's hindering. But to others, it's not. It's subjective. But if it's detracting from the main idea, then I should give it some thought as to whether or not I keep it. And I am intentionally tilting the perspective to give an off kilter feel. I could pull back from the scene a bit, too. Good point. I start these sketches in my sketchbook and they are always so cramped. I should start thinking about giving my characters a bit more breathing room and room to play with the focal point of my piece. So, yes, thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's been helpful.