In need of motivation to keep up with my dream (high school 18M)

Ari Sorokin

I first fell in love with the medium of animation because of the various films I saw but also the behind-the-scenes materials that gave me a window into what it is like to be an animator. I have dedicated my remaining high school education to taking the steps to be an animator. At the beginning of this year, I thought if I wasn't going to be an animator, I wouldn't be happy in any other career. Things are different now.

For the last 2 months, I have been wandering aimlessly making drawings for a portfolio and writing essays but I feel empty when doing it. I still love to draw and I appreciate animation but I feel like I lost the spark that got me into it in the first place. I am not as passionate as I was this summer when I took a class in animation.

I think the problem that subsists is how incredibly lonely it is to apply to art school. I go to high school in the suburbs where rich parents groom their kids to become scientists, lawyers, or doctors. Tons of people at my school are trying to get into the top schools. They can work with each other and encourage each other to not give up. I'm the weird art kid who wants to make movies and tv shows. I'm on my own if I want motivation, encouragement, or a community, and it's starting to wear me down.

I'm lost because I thought I knew what I want to spend my life doing but now I am overcome by fear, uncertainty, and doubt. I have to be disciplined in order to get into a good school and I have a solid portfolio but I feel like I am out of the fuel that started the fire. A lot of the essay questions are about what made me inspired but I struggle to find an answer now. All I have is a distant memory of the feelings I once had.

I'm not sure what I am supposed to take from this mood I am in. Is this a sign that I made the wrong choice to not take AP classes and focus my time on getting into art school? Or is this a normal thing that people go through when they are under pressure?

here are my main concerns about animation.

I have ADHD so I struggle to sit down for a long time. I find being on a screen for more than 1-2 hours at a time causes me to feel depressed. And paper animation is a thing of the past due to the advantages of computers. Can I still be an animator and accommodate myself for these issues?

AI art is starting to make me worried about the industry. AI is at its best and I don't know if there will even be a future for me. What should my mindset be about AI art?

I admit I live a cushy even spoiled life. While my family is very supportive of my dream, I don't know what it will be like not making the same money my parents do. I am trying to curb my consumerist instincts as I hope to one day be more of a minimalist. But I also love to travel and have a goal to visit at least three countries on each continent in my lifetime. If I am skilled how likely are the chances of being a starving artist? And can I still make room for my other life goals?

The world isn't a very good place to be right now. We have crazy inflation and two hostile conflicts in Ukraine and Taiwan that have the chance of being nuclear. Climate change is getting worse than ever I feel like I am being really selfish for choosing a career that is based on fantasy and creativity and should do something more helpful to the world. Have you people ever felt like that?

What can I do to get past this art block?

ajillustrates

@Ari-Sorokin I'm sorry you're feeling this way, but it's a good thing that you are processing these thoughts and feelings now, rather than after you've gotten into an art school or program. Here are some quick thoughts before I jump into a longer response:

It is completely normal to go through this when stressed, and preparing for college at the end of high school provides a lot of pressure. Burnout is not only understandable, but expected.
Speaking from experience, animation is time intensive work, and you will be in front of a computer or at a drawing board for a lot of hours. But that doesn't mean that you can't get up from time to time to exercise, take breaks, and refocus. And, if you get on at a studio or agency, you will most likely have coworkers to work with, so it won't be entirely lonely.
If you weren't going to be an artist or animator, what other carreer would you go into? What other things are you passionate and/or talented at? I know you're feeling frustrated and burnt out on the art path, but what would be your alternative?
As for AI art, I know it's easy advice to give but hard to take, but don't worry about it. When animation started to be done on computers, many animators thought that they were going to lose their jobs, but the opposite happened - computer animation created many more opportunites for animators and artists all up and down the production pipeline. The point is, no one knows what the outcome will be to technological advancement, but it is rarely the worst case scenario. Plus, AI doesn't have a soul, but YOU do, which means that you have a big tool in the box that AI will never have (or at least won't until both of us are old and gray). As long as you instill your art and animation with your soul, style, and perspective, you'll be fine.

For the longer response, I definitely see where you're coming from, because I see parts of my past in your story. I always knew I was going to be an artist, and I was the art "star" all through high school, but I was also alone. I didn't know any other artists (I still don't have a solid art community to this day) and I didn't have any mentorship or guidance. I felt very alone in my creative world. So, in an attempt to avoid the myth of the starving artist, I decided to focus on video game design instead at the beginning of my college carreer. I quickly found out that there was close to zero stability or healthy work/life boundaries in that job field, so I switched computer animation and 3d modeling instead. The bummer with that one was that the program at my school was as new as I was, so they didn't really know what they were doing (for example, they didn't even mention "portfolio" until a month before we graduated), so when we graduated, none of us got hired into the industry right away. It was very frustrating and depressing.

After a bit of reflection while working as a data technician for a bank (not what my degree was in), I decided to refocus my creative life and went to film school at an Art Institute. Now, that also ended up not leading directly to a career, but it worked out for two reasons. 1) I got a day job as a graphic designer (again, not what my degree was in, but I've been working full time as an artist, supporting my family, for the last 14 years), and it introduced me to After Effects, and I've been using that ever since to incorporate animation into my career.

I guess the point to all that is that ther is seldom a straight path or direct line in a career. Some times you run, sometimes you weave, sometimes you wobble, and sometimes you even go in circles, chasing your own tail. So you don't have to put the weight of the world on what college you go to or what degree program you pick. You might end up staying in that line of work forever, or you might never do it, or you might jump around. And it's all okay. I went from a kid who was sure that he'd either be penciling for Marvel or animating for Disney, but now I'm a Creative Director at a video production and events company. It's not exactly what I pictured when I was 18, but I get to draw, design, and animate almost every day, and I'm happy.

So, my overarching advice to you would be to reflect on and answer these questions:

Who am I?
What brings me joy and fulfillment?
What am I skilled at?
What do I hate to do, or am not skilled at?
Am I happier working alone or on a team?
How much stability do I need from a career to live the life I want to live?

When you have the answer to those questions (but not answering them while being frustrated or burnt out), you should have a pretty good indicator whether art, animation, or any other career path is the one for you. And, hey, that might even help you get through your current art block too. I hope all that rambling helps, and I hope you know that I and the other members of the forum are pulling for you.

P.S. In answer to "is it selfish to be an artist in a fallen world?" the answer is, and has always been, "no." It's been almost forever since the world was perfect, but there's always been art there to inspire, give hope, or entertain the people going through life. I may be just an artist, but in just the last year I've gotten to create animated projects supporting mental health for doctors who were on the front line of the pandemic, and women needing help and support during pregnancy, adoption, and parenting in difficult circumstances. Sometimes it feels like we're just doodling or drawing pretty pictures, but as long as we're not doing it in a vaccuum, our art and illustration can be a powerful tool to communicate and support our communities and those in need. That's what makes art and illustration valuable and necessary, especially when the world is at it's worst.

Chantal Goetheer

@Ari-Sorokin it sucks to feel so torn about what you were so passionate about before. But it is stressful having to choose, especially when no one in your surroundings is in that same realm and you dont have a clue how such a life might look like. So doubts and fear are completely normal. And they do take away the fire of passion.

Me myself I didn't dare choose art school and went to study environmental sciences which spoke to my love of nature and wanting to make a difference, but after studying that I also felt so lost as to what in my career was making a difference and I was just having a steady job and earning money while I lost my inspiration for art and changing the world. Then I stumbled into teaching which I loved but there was still a creative black hole in my life. Now I want to come back to art again through svs trying to squeeze it in my spare time using it in some form of environmental education combining all my loves.
You never know how life will go, but I think being a creative person and not choosing a creative path will always lead to going that way at some point because a part of you is simply missing.
I understand all the doubts and fear that are undermining your passion.
Maybe it helps to make a private project that doesn't need to lead to any portfolio piece or what ever end besides you creating? To find some of the fire again?

As to you wondering if art is selfish. Art is something that gives so many people colour into their lives, a moment of relaxing or escaping. It's not at all selfish, a world without art is horrible. I think if not it's more needed in times of crisis and can be used for very good causes as well. A great movie or book to me is very essential to life and has always pulled me through bad moments and stressful times. Art is not selfish it's a gift you received and should use.

There are some great podcast episodes about Ai art of the three point perspective podcast. They also have many great episodes. I don't think Ai will ever take over completely, it will just become a tool to use.

Come here to the forum for a community. I also have no one around me that is in the creative realm, but this is a really nice place to get encouragement, motivation and inspiration.

See your ADHD as a healthy break from screentime to prevent you getting burned out, back pain etc. It's a natural alarm to change. I think you can find workarounds for your ADHD.

Maybe life as an artist makes it easier to travel much? And maybe it's a better starting position to have a good cushion behind you to get started in a career? You will find out how it will be in the future, you just don't know.

Many of my students are struggling with all the choices they need to make during their studies and for their career. The truth is you never know what is the best choice. You just leap and life takes you on it's path, but it has a way of bringing you back to that creativity when it's lacking, because it is a part of you.

Good luck with your choices! Close your eyes and just leap.

Ari Sorokin

@Chantal-Goetheer just spoke to my mentor about the question of traveling. He says animation is one of the best jobs if you want to travel due to the number of opportunities abroad.

Ari Sorokin

@ajillustrates Thank you for the advice. Another thing to make myself feel like a productive member of society is to find time to volunteer. I am passionate about animals so working at an animal shelter sounds perfect for me.

carlianne

Hi Ari, what a beautifully expressed question.

I would say that it is important to know that yes those feelings are valid and normal and a part of the process. I was terrified all throughout art school afraid I was making a huge mistake, the closer to graduation the scarier it felt.

AI art: in my experience Everytime a new technology like this comes out people worry it'll replace artists and then it just becomes a tool that artists can use instead. I don't think it'll ever replace professional artists.
The state of the world: I would argue that the worse off the world is the more that we need art. Think of all the influencial books or stories through history that were a catalyst for change. Art can provide hope, it can inspire peace or revolution, it can change social norms. Art has the power to create the future of society.
I went to animation school about 10 years ago. We learned 2D animation first and I've seen some 2D animation in films. But yes most artists will spend a lot of time with a computer. You would have to schedule breaks which we should all do to be honest

I think the best thing to help you with your artistic block though... Is to create art. I like to give myself pretend assignments and deadlines. Or set aside time where I ONLY can create art or just sit there and do nothing (no internet scrolling etc). Usually I end up creating because I get bored. But sometimes I just need the quiet time.

But do know that this is part of the process. You are doing something that is not "normal" so you may occasionally feel like a weirdo outcast for going your own path. It is not an easy path. I do think it's a highly rewarding one though. The ones that make it aren't necessarily the most skilled or talented but the most persistent.

Best of luck with your decision ️

ajillustrates

@Ari-Sorokin That's a great idea!

Ari Sorokin

@carlianne I have been seriously considering writing a novel about a subject that interests me. I want to write it in a way that is adaptable to animation so that one day if I have the resources, I can develop it further. Plus it is good to increase my skillset.

After reading 1984 recently, I felt inspired to try writing something.

lpetiti

@Ari-Sorokin Regarding your question about being a starving artists, I'll tell you what I have told my high school animation and art students.

The "starving artist", in my experience, is a myth. It's leftover from Bohemian days where that was almost glamourous. These days, is it hard to be an artist? In short YES!

However, that does not mean you have to be a starving artist. If you are serious about being in this industry, as it seems you are, making it requires a lot of hustle, especially in the beginning. You will also want to have a lot of side hustles as you are starting out (different sources of income). It will also be a good idea to have a day job until you can make it.

These are all pieces of career advice, so now let me address school I've been where you want to go, I majored in animation at a particularly good and rigorous school. Animation as a major is hard. I can't overstate it. It is mentally taxing and intense. But if you can make it it is worth it. I would also not limit yourself to looking at private schools. Depending on where you are there may be good public universities with this major.

I wouldn't judge your future on a mood right away, especially given all of the other stressors you have listed. You are young and whether you realize it or not, you have time to explore options. Others on this forum would agree. I say if you have wanted to try for art school and have the resources to try it at a collegiate level (VASTLY different from most high school experiences) then give it a try. You will learn quickly if its something you want to pursue.

NessIllustration

@Ari-Sorokin I hit a period like this while in the middle of my animation degree. I struggled to get up to go to school everyday and was very confused that I no longer could muster any enthusiasm for what was supposed to be my passion.

Looking back, I was depressed and burnt out trying to keep up with the extremely difficult animation program and the stress got to me. I ended up failing a year, had to do it again and finished my diploma crawling to the finish line. After I graduated was the beginning of the rest of my life. I rested, re-centered. I found a job in a studio where there was no overtime. I worked 9-5 and rested fully during nights and weekends. To this day (8 years later) I still get on the high of "I don't have homework tonight" LOL

I saw my passion and enthusiasm swoosh back to life. After a year, I started a webcomic in my free time. After 3 years I left this studio and became a freelance picture book illustrator. Since last year I switched to surface illustration. I've been following my creativity and passion where it leads me, and it has been both fulfilling and lucrative. This year I've hit 6 figures for the first time which is exciting! I bought my first house this summer as well.

Anyway. It's good that you're asking yourself these questions now. But you also seem a bit anxious and down to me which is likely exacerbating all those doubts and fears. Try to rest. Relax a bit. Draw something for fun. Take a deep breath.

At your age I was certain I'd end up an animator, but in the end I changed my mind. Some things you can only know if they're right after trying them out for yourself. Make plans to make your goals happen, but stay open to life's possibilities. A diploma is meant to open doors, not limit you.

The great thing is that an animation diploma touches on so many things that will be helpful to you in almost any art career. People I've studied with have many careers now, from animator to background artist, storyboard artist, film director, picture book illustrator, author, fine artist and more. One guy creates engravings for tombstones!

Ari Sorokin

@lpetiti I see myself interested in the preproduction phase the most. specifically vizdev. However, I also recognize I will need to learn animation not just because it's helpful but because it's fun.

lpetiti

@Ari-Sorokin that’s great! Yeah most programs require you to learn both in a major. Mine did and I wanted to go the path you did. Usually you’ll get to specialize when you’re higher up in programs