️@Ari-Sorokin I'm sorry you're feeling this way, but it's a good thing that you are processing these thoughts and feelings now, rather than after you've gotten into an art school or program. Here are some quick thoughts before I jump into a longer response:
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It is completely normal to go through this when stressed, and preparing for college at the end of high school provides a lot of pressure. Burnout is not only understandable, but expected.
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Speaking from experience, animation is time intensive work, and you will be in front of a computer or at a drawing board for a lot of hours. But that doesn't mean that you can't get up from time to time to exercise, take breaks, and refocus. And, if you get on at a studio or agency, you will most likely have coworkers to work with, so it won't be entirely lonely.
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If you weren't going to be an artist or animator, what other carreer would you go into? What other things are you passionate and/or talented at? I know you're feeling frustrated and burnt out on the art path, but what would be your alternative?
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As for AI art, I know it's easy advice to give but hard to take, but don't worry about it. When animation started to be done on computers, many animators thought that they were going to lose their jobs, but the opposite happened - computer animation created many more opportunites for animators and artists all up and down the production pipeline. The point is, no one knows what the outcome will be to technological advancement, but it is rarely the worst case scenario. Plus, AI doesn't have a soul, but YOU do, which means that you have a big tool in the box that AI will never have (or at least won't until both of us are old and gray). As long as you instill your art and animation with your soul, style, and perspective, you'll be fine.
For the longer response, I definitely see where you're coming from, because I see parts of my past in your story. I always knew I was going to be an artist, and I was the art "star" all through high school, but I was also alone. I didn't know any other artists (I still don't have a solid art community to this day) and I didn't have any mentorship or guidance. I felt very alone in my creative world. So, in an attempt to avoid the myth of the starving artist, I decided to focus on video game design instead at the beginning of my college carreer. I quickly found out that there was close to zero stability or healthy work/life boundaries in that job field, so I switched computer animation and 3d modeling instead. The bummer with that one was that the program at my school was as new as I was, so they didn't really know what they were doing (for example, they didn't even mention "portfolio" until a month before we graduated), so when we graduated, none of us got hired into the industry right away. It was very frustrating and depressing.
After a bit of reflection while working as a data technician for a bank (not what my degree was in), I decided to refocus my creative life and went to film school at an Art Institute. Now, that also ended up not leading directly to a career, but it worked out for two reasons. 1) I got a day job as a graphic designer (again, not what my degree was in, but I've been working full time as an artist, supporting my family, for the last 14 years), and it introduced me to After Effects, and I've been using that ever since to incorporate animation into my career.
I guess the point to all that is that ther is seldom a straight path or direct line in a career. Some times you run, sometimes you weave, sometimes you wobble, and sometimes you even go in circles, chasing your own tail. So you don't have to put the weight of the world on what college you go to or what degree program you pick. You might end up staying in that line of work forever, or you might never do it, or you might jump around. And it's all okay. I went from a kid who was sure that he'd either be penciling for Marvel or animating for Disney, but now I'm a Creative Director at a video production and events company. It's not exactly what I pictured when I was 18, but I get to draw, design, and animate almost every day, and I'm happy.
So, my overarching advice to you would be to reflect on and answer these questions:
- Who am I?
- What brings me joy and fulfillment?
- What am I skilled at?
- What do I hate to do, or am not skilled at?
- Am I happier working alone or on a team?
- How much stability do I need from a career to live the life I want to live?
When you have the answer to those questions (but not answering them while being frustrated or burnt out), you should have a pretty good indicator whether art, animation, or any other career path is the one for you. And, hey, that might even help you get through your current art block too. I hope all that rambling helps, and I hope you know that I and the other members of the forum are pulling for you.
P.S. In answer to "is it selfish to be an artist in a fallen world?" the answer is, and has always been, "no." It's been almost forever since the world was perfect, but there's always been art there to inspire, give hope, or entertain the people going through life. I may be just an artist, but in just the last year I've gotten to create animated projects supporting mental health for doctors who were on the front line of the pandemic, and women needing help and support during pregnancy, adoption, and parenting in difficult circumstances. Sometimes it feels like we're just doodling or drawing pretty pictures, but as long as we're not doing it in a vaccuum, our art and illustration can be a powerful tool to communicate and support our communities and those in need. That's what makes art and illustration valuable and necessary, especially when the world is at it's worst.