Help me kill my darling

[Mia Clarke]

@Nyrryl-Cadiz Oh, sorry, I should have said.

It's the book Momo, in which a small homeless girl gets taken into a poor community and moves into an amphitheatre. Her special gift is listening and not ever being in haste, and so her precence brings peace and play to the community. The villains in the story are the men in gray, time thieves who sneak into the subconcious of people and get them to "save" their time by giving up anything extra or joyful.

The men in gray move in, and the town is changed from a lovely place full of happy people, to a place of angry, stressed, and harassed people without a minute to spare. Momo gets into the crosshairs of the men in gray when they discover her immunity to their powers. Before they come to take her away, a tortoise shows up by her amphitheatre with the words "Follow me" written on its shell. Momo follows the tortoise, which takes her to the maker of all time, who lives in a house outside of time full of clocks and time pieces.

It's a fantastic story, written by Michael Ende (who also wrote the neverending story).

[Mia Clarke]

@Mia-Clarke Oh, and the men in grey's bowler hats and cigars are central to the plot. The men in gray are always smoking.

[Nyrryl Cadiz]

@Mia-Clarke Ok, that sounds like a great story.

My first advice for this piece is to remove the unneeded details.

For example, are those flowers vital to the story? If not, remove them.

Is it necessary to have that many clocks? If not, remove them. Maybe just leave 1 huge clock or hourglass.

Same goes for the Amphitheatre. Is it really vital? if not, remove it.

Do you need 5 gray men? Maybe 3 will do.

Simplify and only leave the most vital details.

[Mia Clarke]

@AngelinaKizz Good ideas! Here's the illo in grayscale.

[Mia Clarke]

@Nyrryl-Cadiz The lillies are central to the resolution, but they could probably go. These suggestions are exactly what I need, thank you so much!

[Asyas_illos]

Wow I need to read that! I agree with Nyrryl you need to pick out what’s most important and let the rest go. Also checking your values in greyscale as Angelina said will help too. I will attempt a draw over later but I need to know a bit more about the story first.

[Mia Clarke]

@Nyrryl-Cadiz Ok, now I've removed everything. It's not at all polished. Is this a better direction?

[AngelinaKizz]

@Mia-Clarke I think now too much has been taken away. I also think you really need a light source, because your values are still muddy.

[NessIllustration]

@Mia-Clarke I agree it's now slightly too empty. I've added back the lilies, added a backlight, some white fog and white glowy title with little fairy light to add a bit more magic. Bit more contrast on characters with light reflections on the outlines, and on the girl's face. Title is slightly nudged upward now too. What do you think?

[Mia Clarke]

@NessIllustration I like this a lot! Thanks! The lillies in the foreground are the opposite to the men in grey, and so it seems apt to have them there. I still would like to incorporate timepieces somewhere... Maybe I could hang a pocketwatch on the title?

[Mia Clarke]

@AngelinaKizz Yes, I agree. I just figured it might be easier to dial it all the way back and work from there... Thank you so much for your help!

[NessIllustration]

@Mia-Clarke That sounds like a really cute idea!

[Griffin McPherson]

Killing your darlings is not an easy thing to do. I find that as long as I’m working on the original image and trying to change it I will never get it to a place it’s needs to be.
To remedy this I recommend starting from scratch with the feedback you got from the portfolio review in mind. I know that sounds like it will be a ton more more than just fixing what you have but I have always found starting from scratch in cases like this ti be way faster than fixing an image that I’m attached to.

[Mia Clarke]

@Griffin-McPherson Yeah, I think you’re on to something… I should probably take the ideas from this thread and start over on a new piece.

[Miriam]

@Mia-Clarke It's good to remember that you don't need to (and most of the time it's best NOT to) tell the whole story on the cover. You just want to pique their interest, so they'll pick it up & read it.

I like your character design for the girl & the magical effect on the title.

It sounds like the tortoise is part of a deus ex machina (but at least there's the foreshadowing of the girl having similar traits), so that's something I might not want to give away on the cover.

But then again — it might be nice for reptile lovers in a sea of dog books.

Maybe you could hide the tortoise among the lilies? It would be great to have it barely noticeable in the illustration, so it doesn't draw attention until they know the significance after reading that part of the story.

It sounds like you're getting a good start on breaking away. Good luck!

[Nyrryl Cadiz]

@Mia-Clarke hi again! Tho I love the simplicity of it all. I think you may have stripped it down too much. I think it would be great to show a clock in the bg. Also, show variation in size with the gray men. Maybe have a silhouette of the amphitheatre in the bg as well.

I’ll try to make a draw over if I have the time soon.

[Mia Clarke]

@Miriam I definitely think you’re hitting the nail on the head here, I’m probably guilty of what Will Terry keeps calling “over-illustrating” on this one. I think I just fell so much in love with the story that I wanted to just paint as much of it as possible.

The tortoise is a main character, so having her on the cover makes sense, I think… Plus, any chance I get to draw a tortoise, I’ll grab. I just love their little faces!

[Mia Clarke]

@Nyrryl-Cadiz I think you’re right. If you do have tine to do a draw-over, I’d love that!

[tomparsonsart]

I love the feel of this, and your style of rendering. But I was puzzled by the bowler hats before you described the story, wasn't quite sure what they were. And even after, I think they are a bit odd, with the cigar just hanging there underneath, with no face or anything else.

Take this with a grain of salt, because I'm no expert, but I'm thinking of movies or posters I've seen, where there is a villain in the dark and you can only see a silhouette with some rim light, and a glowing cigarette, and maybe the whites of their eyes. Maybe if you just had one of them and did something similar. The shapes of the jacket could be the background, interacting with other elements. I like the smoke in the background, maybe you could have it also come forward and obscure the edges of some foreground elements.

The main point is I think the elements need to vary in size more, as has been said. Otherwise It is a nice image and I love the way you draw and your texturing. I love the hand lettering also.

[Mia Clarke]

@tomparsonsart Thank you so much for this feedback, it helps a lot! I’m currently redrawing this image from scratch based on all the inpus, and your comment on the silhouette of the men in grey is really valuable to me, as I just did them in roughly the same fashion again in the new image, without much thinking… I’ll take your advise on board, and I’ll post my results here when I have them.