Hi Thinh, Thanks for posting your work. I'd like to start by saying how lovely your drawing style is and your control of the medium is quite nice. You look very comfortable with your process and it shows.
I think what Steve and Rob are really pointing at is your focal point isn't defined very well for a number of reasons. You did add the lighting to the dad and the girl, which is a great start, but the lighting falls off of the characters. They look like they are actually in shadow. Then the bears face is illuminated a bit too much so my eye is just jumping around all over the place here. The next thing that might be hurting this image a little is almost all the elements in the scene are practically the same size. You really have to create a dominate shape and then supporting shapes to pull off a complicated scene. That's what Will does SO well and why his images just feel "right".
In this quick paint over I cropped in a tad and lit the figures a bit more. I did it quickly, so it might be too light/dark for a real final piece, but it shows how we can emphasize our main characters a bit more. I darkened the map he is holding to try and simplify the shapes and value. The best advice I ever heard (and give often) is light shapes over dark shapes or dark shapes over light shapes. So watch out for controlling too much value with gradients if you can help it.
Really beautiful work and I can't wait to see more from you!
Cheers,
Lee
