Sis quit
Ray Kaselau
Sun 3/31/2019 10:00 AM
I really struggled this month. It’s helpful for me to know I’m not alone in the difficulties and often lonely process of creating. So when I put pencil to paper to leave my Kansas, I was excited at the beginning of the month with all the possibilities. Then I was quickly overwhelmed, Oz is so vast. To draw this was world building! But I had to focus on this, I had already sketched several concepts for my other favorites, Harry Potter - Azkaban, Pippi Longstocking, but I wasn’t satisfied with my versions of those. If I couldn’t recreate my favorite book Oz then why bother calling myself an illustrator, ouch.
That is the beauty of this forum, I really value the input and direction to help determine what’s working and what’s not. This month I failed by not asking for input, I thought I would just have a day to hammer it out. That didn’t happen, not in the style I was thinking anyway. I didn’t "have the brain" to ask for help sooner. Warning: More Oz reference to come.
The challenge for me is often deciding on a direction, which image, after all the thumbnails, then how to approach it, where is my brick road to follow? I need a good witch to point me! Or an art director! As long as I can recall I’ve had difficulty asking for help (a good podcast topic specific for artists?). I find that the forum here and Instagram artist I follow will inspire me, while also really making me feel inadequate. So I knock myself down before I start, then pick myself back up by drawing until something clicks. I believe in learning from others, and we steal like artists, but often if I look at the genius artists before I start, I begin with a broken heart. Warned ya 
Finally, I made my way back to “Kansas” (Wisconsin, but just as many comments of living in a “nowhere”). So I went to the tools I use in my professional paid life, graphic design. The final cover I used Illustrator, Photoshop, and Procreate. Honestly, I feel like I cheated. I didn’t illustrate much, no iconic characters, no specific scene. A shortcut to hit the deadline. Finished, not perfect..? I could click my heels the whole time and be done? Poof, feels like I skipped the hard part. Well, I didn't teach myself illustrating that's for sure. Just big beautiful text using a font called “Trajan Color”. I feel like a fraud, a humbug. But somehow I’m satisfied with it as a concept - that it’s mysterious. It doesn’t give away too much of what amazing things happen inside, it lets the characters and places live individually in our minds. Shifting to our own wonderful visions. The best covers and movie trailers aren’t spoilers. But mine certainly doesn’t feel children’s lit, some scenes in the original story where definitely teen by modern standards.
Ultimately, it’s important for me I do this, I share, I learn, I grow. I often put on a brave face say I’m an artist with conviction, but I daily need to keep trying and have the courage to face the vast white page. And make friends along the way.
With that here’s my month in visuals. Thanks for sharing everyone, you’re amazing and you populate the world with beautiful imagery!
Ray
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