How can I make these guys stronger? March feedback...

Asyas_illos · 9 Apr 2021, 06:05

I was really expecting to make it in with at least one of these two. It’s really very humbling. Now I’m just wondering what I could do to build a stronger character, I feel like rendering wise I was pretty solid, I’m thinking my issues must lie in the storytelling or originality in concept. Please let me know your thoughts.

Kim Rosenlof · 9 Apr 2021, 04:28

I am not sure why Juniper and Pip didn't make it to the final 16, but it did make honorable mention, so that is good. I like the color on both your pieces. They aquatic one is nice, but maybe it didn't feel like a traveller as much as Juniper does. When Juniper is running, her arms should be the opposite of her legs. Her left arm should be going back if her left leg is forward. I think maybe the running gesture if slightly off because of that.
I think there were just a lot of more unexpected characters and just more characters for them to choose from this time. Sometimes the ones I think will get picked, get picked, and sometimes they don't.

Asyas_illos · 9 Apr 2021, 04:57

@Kim-Rosenlof thank you I didn't even realize the leg-arm positioning but I see it now thanks. I have to say I really enjoyed your character too,very Tomie dePaola who I love!

APHOTICMOTH · 9 Apr 2021, 05:36

@Asyas_illos I agree the mermaid doesn't look like a traveler. I really thought Juniper would make it, not sure what to critique there.

Asyas_illos · 9 Apr 2021, 06:03

@CLCanadyArts thank you I am seeing that I was rushing and didn’t put as much of the storytelling element into this one

carrieannebrown · 9 Apr 2021, 06:57

@Asyas_illos I actually prefer the merman because it's much more unusual. I'd say one thing you could do to elevate them is add more shadow and highlight to help them jump off the page. The close ups of their faces are a little flat. More details within the hair on the merman too

carrieannebrown · 12 Apr 2021, 13:17

@carrieannebrown said in How can I make these guys stronger? March feedback...:

@Asyas_illos I actually prefer the merman because it's much more unusual. I'd say one thing you could do to elevate them is add more shadow and highlight to help them jump off the page. The close ups of their faces are a little flat. More details within the hair on the merman too

They are both really good though, I realised I sounded a little harsh above. Love the merman

Freya Chakour · 12 Apr 2021, 13:44

I think Juniper and Pip are really super cute! I especially like the one where she's sitting on the ground, looking a bit disillusioned. In terms of color I feel that Pip gets a bit lost in all of the images, I had to search for him an didn't see him right away, especially in the first picture where he sits on Junipers Hair, so I would probably make him either a bit lighter or darker so he reads better as a character.

same goes fo Fin, who is a bit too small for my taste to read as a character, even tho if you look closely I really think he is cute, but.. I honestly didn't see him at all until I sat down to write something about Jasper and was like, wait.. there are two names again.
on the other hand that butterfly is grabbing a bit too much attention, I think because its clearly by far the most saturated color of the picture, he stands out even more than Jasper, and it looks like he also has some pretty dark outlines, so that makes all other things on the page a bit pale.

And maybe a small note about lineart: in some parts especially the eyes it seems like the line is drawn very carefully and so lacks a bit of strength. I would try and dare to get a bit loose with that. I
t seems like to really want to make that line right, but at the cost of a beautiful line. (the hair or fishtail for example look so much more smooth and confident

These all are really just some small things!! I'm pretty sure you will make it soon! I find your characters both very cute and would like to hear more about them! and for example Jaspers Fishtail has a very beautiful shape design!! Also I feel your style is both unique and somehow fresh!
Hope this is somewhat of a helpful feedback for you!

Asyas_illos · 12 Apr 2021, 15:29

@carrieannebrown no not harsh at all lol I appreciate all feedback!

Asyas_illos · 12 Apr 2021, 15:32

@Freya-Chakour very helpful thank you I had a lot trouble with the consistency in his face so that’s why you see that lol as for the butterfly it may be a little bold but I was trying to convey that he’s traveled out of his realm to places unknown to him but I can see now that it may be bit distracting. Thank you again!

Asyas_illos · 12 Apr 2021, 15:38

@carrieannebrown also I tried not to detail his hair like junipers because I had so much detail in the fin I didn’t want to overdo it I guess but I could have done a little...

carrieannebrown · 12 Apr 2021, 16:52

@Asyas_illos it's fine on the full body ones but when close up I think it should be slightly more detailed, like a photo would be. I like the shape, particularly on the swimming one it sells the movement

willicreate · 12 Apr 2021, 18:24

Your ocean-themed interpretation of the prompt and rendering are great. If you’re looking to make stronger character designs, perhaps you need to dive deeper in the character’s background. Let’s take the merman…

The public usually identifies merfolk with Disney’s Ariel design. Do you seek to introduce a different interpretation of the mythical creature?
Have you considered exploring different color palettes? Tropical fish come in an assortment of vibrant colors (perfect for a children's book).
The harpoon is prominent, and I am guessing is also a character in the story. What is the history of the object? Is it an old human whaler harpoon? Does the merman idolize humans and thus seek their aid? Is it an organic weapon made of coral and baleen? Does he seek other aquatic allies?
How does the character’s fit in his world? In a western point of view, tattoos are meant to separate oneself from the pod, seek attention from others. He also wears a few bling. Does this character want to be seen by others? Can this be exaggerated more
How do you want the reader to identify with the character? Is it the struggle to identify with either the human or fish halves (bi-racial identity)? Will he attempt to travel on land (issue with mobility)? Is he the only merman amongst an adopted family of dolphins (unwelcomed by greater society)?

Perhaps you've already assessed all this. If that is the case, then I think the character sheet could reveal more of the story in attire, body shape or body language. Hope this is useful.

*edit To clarify on my last paragraph... I'm not advocating to change your idea/story. Perhaps the features you've incorporated can be exaggerated further.

Asyas_illos · 12 Apr 2021, 21:46

@willicreate thank you for that helpful layout it’s very insightful, a lot of what you mentioned I had thought about but perhaps since it was my second entry I didn’t give myself enough time to express them properly! Thank you again

willicreate · 12 Apr 2021, 22:51

@Asyas_illos You're welcome. Looking forward to your future entries.

P.S. I want to take back what I said about tattoos and accessories; their not symbols of attention-mongering. Sorry for the pessimism.