Superstition WIP – Apple a Day ... (critique/comments please)

[drawnbyshawn]

I'm looking for some thoughts on my "superstition" entry ... "An apple a day keeps the doctor away". I did run with one idea, but before I get too far I wanted to consider another composition. Not sure if the first one is too boring, so I did thumbnail a second one where the calendar is in the foreground (maybe on a refrigerator or something) and the guy eating apples is in the background with boxes of apples behind him. I kind of prefer the first one because I want to keep the person more prominent, but at the same time I can't make the calendar too small because you need to see that he has a doctor appointment coming up.

Anyway, just looking for some comments/suggestions.

Thanks!

[TessaW]

I think both are very clear on the message. I personally like the first comp slightly more because it feels more relaxed. I'm getting more "stock photo" vibes from the second one, if that makes sense, and it feels a bit neurotic to me- like the guy has obsessive issues.

[jennyeickbush]

I love the chewing face on your guy! It's really funny and well rendered. I have a question for you to consider about your story- The apples are supposed to keep the doctor away, but he has a set date for a doctor's appointment on the calendar already. He's already going, so the apples aren't keeping the doctor away.

Is it worth doing a thumbnail where your story is focused on the doctor? Maybe he's trying to hide the apples in the supermarket, or stop an apple shipment because the apples are causing him to lose all his patients.

I really like your idea!

[drawnbyshawn]

@TessaW Thanks! Yeah, I think I agree. Being that the second one focuses more on the calendar and date, I can see where it feels a bit neurotic. It is maybe more "staged" too, which is where the "stock photo" feel is coming from (???)

@jennyeickbush Thanks! I do see your point. The intent is that he has an appointment coming up that he doesn't really want to go to, so he's just going all-in on the apples to try and avoid it (irrationally). But, maybe there is an adjustment I can make to better sell that idea. Like, maybe make his eyes nervous and looking at the calendar to really imply that he's just kind of panicking and trying anything??? (Or, as you stated, I could step back and rethink from the perspective of the doctor.)

[MikeCañas]

@drawnbyshawn I agree with @jennyeickbush that a few adjustments could really sell the image. I definitely think a nervous expression would help out. Also, maybe have a lot of the already eaten apple cores lying around to show how much he buys in to the superstition. Something along the lines of " if an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what would ten or twenty do"!

[drawnbyshawn]

@MikeCañas Yeah, the already-eaten apple cores is a good idea! That would really imply that he's taking the superstition to the next level (more than one apple a day). I'm going to try that along with the nervous expression. Thanks!

[drawnbyshawn]

@drawnbyshawn Thanks again for all of the suggestions. Here's what I settled on. (Or at least, I think I'm finished. Who knows, maybe some minor adjustments before I post to the contest thread.)