My first comic strip! (feedback please?) :)
I'd love your thoughts on this strip I finished over the weekend!
Bob Crum last edited by
HAHAHAH I love it!
I actually laughed out loud.
The back and forth of warm/cool colors is very effective and I think the choice of green sand is a good one ... color theory wise.
Your marks are expressive and interesting.
This is well done.
evilrobot last edited by
Nice job buddy. Like the style, the inking, coloring, and content...
Lynn Larson last edited by
Hehe, it made me snort :p Well thought out and great color!
@andrewcolinbeck This is so great! And very funny
The only thing that I would suggest is working on the clarity of the final panel. For one, death's hand holding the hour glass is awkwardly decapitating the one guy's head and also taking away from the humour of the punchline. I've did a rudimentary placement of where I think it could work better (image below). Also - Death smacking his face there like 'DOH!' is so great, you nailed the expression. BUT it's getting overpowered by the speech bubble from the previous panel. Without the big hand/hourglass in the way, you should have a bit more room to rework the composition of the last panel.
I agree with the others about style and colour - really well done. Although I wonder why green for the sands in the hourglass?
Hope this helps!
Oh - just one more small critique. Panel 3 - close up of the guy's face looks more like a sweaty egg-head than a person. Maybe just adding a small hint of hair would help? Or the shape of his face less egg-like anyhow.
There's a typo in panel 2, speech bubble 2 - weighed, not wieghed. Typo in the last speech bubble: Inevitable, not enevitable
Final suggestion - I swear this is the last!
Panel 4 - you could work on the bearded man's expression a bit more to make him look like he's deep in thought, it would help with the storytelling. Maybe a hand to the chin, or one finger scratching his head?
lmrush last edited by
Clever! I really like the layering
@DanetteDraws Thanks for all the great feedback! You are so right about that dern hand... And your mockup of how it could go helps so much! Thanks for all your thoughts. Sweaty-egg, haha. Nice.
@Bob-Crum Thanks for the compliments!
Jordan Peterson last edited by
Haha that's awesome