Honest feedback please :-)
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Hi all,
I'd be grateful for some honest feedback. I'm painting (digitally) a Christmas card for a local charity. The only guidance is to do a more traditional design and to have a robin. The robin here is in the main colours of the charity. The concept is that the robin has caught a falling snowflake (those large clumps of snow that fall sometimes). Any ideas would be appreciated, even if you think it's good or not. But if you think it's not then please do say!
Thanks very much.
Adam
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Hi @adam-thornton-0, I think the piece is rendered beautifully; however, I have to admit I didn’t see the snowflake the Robin was catching before you pointed it out.
Perhaps because the action doesn’t have a strong silhouette? I feel a profile view would fix this, but looks like you’ve finished the piece already.
What if you lowered the right leg and put a dark contrast behind the snowflake? Also, what if you rendered the snowflake a little more since it looks like a snowball?
Finally, I would splash some lights on the Robin to brighten it up and make the piece feel happier. The light can symbolize hope or spirituality.
Hope these comments help! It’s great you’re doing this for your church, I’m sure they’ll love it!
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@jeremy-ross Thanks so much for those comments, Jeremy. Really valuable and I agree with them all. Also, I noticed that the beak is too wide for a robin. I think it kinda looks more like a platypus! I will do your suggestions.
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Hi Adam,
I agree with Jeremy. It's a beautiful card. Another way of showing the bird holding the snowflake more clearly could be having both feet clasping it in front of its body. Thanks for sharing your work! -
@adam-thornton-0 I think it’s beautiful! Slightly hard to see from the beak angle that the snow drop is in it though and also the snow behind the bird is maybe a little too bright and taking away from the bird -
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@Adam-Thornton-0 Hi Adam. This is beautifully rendered. I think this is a strong idea. I do see that you have some atmospheric perspective issues created by your blurring. The trees (specifically the branches) in the background are more crisp and clear than your bird creating the illusion that they are closer to us than the bird and are more important. Your composition of the bird is off a little too. You've inadvertently divided the page in half with the bird on one side and the trees on the other. You also created a tangent or two with the wings and the edge of the page. I think you could move the bird a little down and two to center to give it some space away from the edge. You could even enlarge the bird so that it is more of the focal point. I will post a draw-over to show what I mean.
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@Adam-Thornton-0 here is my hastily done done draw over. If it helps, rejoice! If not please feel free to disregard!
I blurred the tree in the background. I deblurred the snowflake. I would even make more contrast if you had time to create more of a focal point.
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@chrisaakins Chris, thank you enormously for that! You are very kind to give your time and expertise to me like this. I will do everything you said.
If anything, I've noticed that asking for feedback has shown me how blind I can become to my own artwork. I know about tangents, atmospheric perspective and basic composition (e.g. rule of thirds) etc, so am a little surprised at myself for not seeing them. So this has been a very good experience.
Thanks again, very much!
Adam -
@helen Great points! Thanks very much Helen. I'll get those changes made. It was a tricky one about the snow in the background being too bright. They're in the direct sunlight, so didn't want to make them too dark but, on reflection, I think your suggestion stands because it serves the overall composition better. Thanks again!
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@kathrynadebayo Thanks very much Kathryn. I didn't try two claws catching because I thought that would really make it look like a snowball, which I didn't want. It's supposed to be one of those large clumps of snowflake that fall sometimes, but perhaps that's too close to a snowball. I hoped that one claw would imply more of the delicate nature of the snowflake and lightness (weight) of the robin as he catches it on the end of its toe.
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@jeremy-ross Thanks very much for those suggestions Jeremy. I don't think I'll change the pose at this stage, but will include your later suggestions. Thanks again!
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@adam-thornton-0 you are welcome! People on this forum have helped me tremendously and I want to give back if and when I can.
