@RachelArmington said in How To Deal With Fear Of Success:
@Randi-Gordon I’m a few months behind in my podcast-listening, so I haven’t listened to this particular episode yet. But…
You’ve probably heard about imposter syndrome (which can lead people to self-sabotage) as there has been so much discussion about it the last few years.
Specific to what you’ve written though: Have you ever revisited the dummy you submitted to the publisher? Were you comfortable with how you handled everything? Was there a page turn or transition or anything else that you felt you hadn’t exactly nailed as well as you would’ve liked? Have you considered just reworking and submitting it to other publishers?
Sometimes intuition kicks in and we instinctively make the right decisions even if the logic behind it doesn’t come for years after. As far as the publisher that interviewed you, were they asking you to change what you considered to be a wordless picture book by adding text (you said you hadn’t written a manuscript for it). Or was there anything during the interview that might have turned you off a bit towards them (i.e. spinach in the art director’s teeth)? 
Even just getting so much feedback from a publisher is a success.
Your success isn’t contingent on how much or how little you family supports you. It may be a struggle emotionally, but in the end it’s up to you.
Thanks for your thoughtful response, @RachelArmington, much appreciated. I hadn’t thought of imposter syndrome, really ought to do a deep dive into that. I suspect it dovetails sharply with “fear of success.”
My book dummy at the time consisted of about a dozen pages, maybe half a book, because A. I hadn’t finished writing it and B. I was CLUELESS at the time about submissions and book dummies. In retrospect it’s a miracle I got any response at all. The art director I met with was extremely encouraging, and said she couldn’t wait to read the rest of the story. I couldn’t bear to tell her it didn’t exist yet, so I nodded and said I’d send it along right away.
Then I just… collapsed, for all the reasons mentioned.
I suppose it’s worth a look at that story, if only to figure out what was attractive enough about it to warrant a response from a Top 5 children’s publisher, which, if I’m honest, the significance of which was truly lost on me as a total newbie. I just had no idea back then how great it was to even get a callback. The fact that my folks (and husband at the time) were so unimpressed only confused me more, I guess. Never listen to your parents!! 