20 Aug 2017, 22:05
my worst fear wip and final illustration. Critiques are welcome.
Worst Fear
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my worst fear wip and final illustration. Critiques are welcome.
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@heidi-ahmad crowded public transport one of my fears also,really good job with this one.I like how the standing lady is squashed against the seated man happens to me everyday.
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I like the concept, but I think you could push the action. Starting at the front, I might have the guy on right bent over some and actively coughing, with his hand in front of his face with the smoking fellow leaning back some with an annoyed look (oh the irony). In the second row, the action is a bit muddled. Obviously the standing woman is pushing against the kid in the seat, but what is happening with the mom and baby? I now see that the white tube is actually the mother's arm, and the kid in the red is holding on to it, but where is her hand. And the baby needs a bit more detail to be clear that it is a baby. In the third row, since you already have the guy up front smoking, I would lose the cigarette here, make the guy in gray heavier, and have him squishing the little guy with the glasses into the wall of the bus/train. Maybe the lady standing could be pregnant, thus making it more difficult for the kid in red.
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@dottyp the person in red doesn't look like me but it's supposed to be a representation of me, i was once elbowed in the face by a woman getting something out of her bag! i wear glasses so i was afraid they'd break too. the HORROR!
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@tombarrettillo several great pointers..thank you!
I may need to explain my thought process for the standing woman...if I make her pregnant, which was my initial thought, then someone should let her sit instead of complain about her big belly.
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@heidi-ahmad LOL, yes, that would make more sense. Didn't think about that. But, this is worst fear, so maybe you could have her holding her belly in agony cause no one let her sit.
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I like it. I love the rich colors and how it looks like there is no back to the bus or train, it just goes on forever. I really like the two guys in the front. The aerial perspective is nice.
One thing that bothers me is that white arm. For some reason it doesn't look liek an arm but a big roll of something or a tube. Maybe it could be softened up just a bit and add a bit of shading so that it isn't so sharply white? Just a thought.
Marsha Ottum Owen
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@marsha-kay-ottum-owen thank you for the pointer. which arm? or both arms?
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@heidi-ahmad her left arm, our right.
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I like the concept and the style , but I think it would be nice to use your values/colors to focus more on picking a focal point. The focal point could be dependent on how you tell the story, such If you were to focus on the lady with the baby it would be cool to have her completely surrounded by smokers. If you were to focus on the red shirt man then having a bit more variety of characters doing different things would be interesting. I'm know your red shirt guy is suppose to be the main focal point due to the shirt, but it seems conflicted due to your values. If you gave the woman on the left a green shirt, reduced the brightness on her and fixed the elbow, and gave the guy behind a touch more green then the red would stand out a lot more. I would even say you could brighten the area on the right a bit more because the left is so much brighter, which causes my eye to move too much to the left (or do the opposite and darken the left). In either case I think the focal point should be more in the middle of the frame and lit more, or less than the other characters (a light smoke filled bus would suit a darkened character and vice versa).
I'm guessing you are 95% finished with the image, so that's just thoughts to consider for future pieces (whether it's valuable or not
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@gary-wilkinson That was very helpful, thank you
and yes i'm trying to tell the story from the point of view of the person in red whose senses of sight, smell, hearing and touch are violated by everyone around him/her. personal space invaded, loud noises, smoke in a confined place, and s/he sees sad or apathetic faces every where. I think i'm going to title it "Public Transportation: a violation of the senses...including common sense"! I'll try to improve it using everyone's input.