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[Griffin McPherson]

@NessIllustration I have space cleared on the left page where there’s the blanket spot on the wall and on the right page it’s the space between the two rugs. I will fade out that area like on the left page to make it clear that it’s room for text.
I do intend to make the characters stand out against the chaotic background. The background is busy enough that I think can reduce it to just a couple values, that way the more vibrant character will stand out against it while still making your eyes wander over the walls to see what is scattered throughout. That’s the goal at least

[NessIllustration]

@Griffin-McPherson Considering text size, if you want it to be at a legible size for children, it doesn't look like you have enough space there for a full sentence.

[Griffin McPherson]

@NessIllustration here’s how it looks with some text. This is 20pt font which falls within the 16-24 range that is typically used. I tried to match the text size if the books I have around and this is pretty close or even a bit bigger I think.

[NessIllustration]

@Griffin-McPherson Oh okay I see now! Works nicely though a bit cramped, but that's the point

[kirsten-mcg]

@Griffin-McPherson This is looking great! And his left hand looks better. It might still be a bit on the small side, compared to the other one, but maybe that's intentional, given the wacky perspective? (Which I love, BTW!) I agree that adding some value will help us evaluate more. I think you could make it feel chaotic without the chaos overwhelming the characters if you make the objects in the background all fairly equal in value while having contrast where you want our eye to go.

[Melissa_Bailey]

@Griffin-McPherson love all the detail! As previously mentioned, a value study will really help us see your intended focal point and will help with the storytelling.

As @NessIllustration mentioned, the text is cramped. Looking at it from a book design perspective, I would like to see more room left for the text. Consider nudging the text on the right a little further away from the gutter. If you could make a blank space on the flooring, moving the edge of the rug back a bit, that might help.

Are you intending for the piece to have a skewed perspective? It looks as if the left side of the illustration has a different POV than the right side. It's giving me Alice in Wonderland vibes. If that's your intention, well done!

Is the boy the main character? You may want to also consider making him a little bigger and bringing him a little more forward in space. He is similar in size to other elements, which doesn't help him stand out. Being cut off at the knee also feels a little awkward.

That being said, I love the storytelling and expressions on the characters' faces. And again, all that detail is awesome! Looking forward to seeing where you go with it!

[Griffin McPherson]

@kirsten-mcg nah it’s definitely small right now. Also still doesn’t look quite right but hands are the worst so I’ll worry about saving that for later lol

[Griffin McPherson]

@Melissa_Bailey you’re right, that’s an awkward cut off for the boy so I’ll try making him a bit bigger and have the cut off at mid thigh.
Skewed and wonky and weird is what I’m going for, Alice in wonderland is a good descriptor!
This piece was actually inspired by Miyazaki’s graphic novel, *Shuna’s Journey. *His stories are always so full of strange magic and have a feeling of otherworldliness to them so I’m trying to create a bit of that same magic and strangeness with this piece.

[Griffin McPherson]

@Melissa_Bailey adjusted the text and made the boy bigger which definitely looks better. I actually realized I misunderstood what you said. I adjusted the text on the left to be farther away from the gutter but after realizing this I shifted the text on the right away from the gutter as well. Let me know if that’s working!

[NessIllustration]

@Griffin-McPherson This is a great improvement, but a few other things could be done to clarify further. @Melissa_Bailey had a great suggestion to get the rugs out of the way - they don't have to overlap the text, and this way you won't have to worry about them at coloring.

The immediate surroundings of the characters could be cleared out to make the silhouettes pop.

I applied those changes to show you an example, and also took a shot at the hands. I think the boy had his thumb on the wrong side, and the old man's right hand would look better with the fingers arching the other way, like his other hand:

[Griffin McPherson]

@NessIllustration this is just my rough sketch so I usually don’t worry about hands at this stage because they can take me so long to get right, but I agree with those changes! I do intend on leaving space around the silhouettes but I’ll probably do it by fading out the edges rather than erasing them to give it a softer look. I’ll move those rugs too, that does look cleaner!

[Melissa_Bailey]

@Griffin-McPherson yes, the bigger boy looks better!

Here's a thought: moving the text on the left back to the center (it was fine where it was; sorry I wasn't clear that I was talking about the text on the right). And then move the boy over to the left a bit more. He looks like he will be close to the gutter. Moving him a little farther away from the action on the right side might create a better flow as well, since our eye will go to him first and the way he's positioned will lead us through the rest of the illustration.

Hope you don't mind, I took a screenshot to demonstrate those adjustments & give you a visual:

[Griffin McPherson]

@Melissa_Bailey oh nooo I do like that but now I have to decide if it’s worth restarting the final line drawing and rearranging things ‍
I may have to think about this a bit. Thanks again for the great suggestions!

[Melissa_Bailey]

@Griffin-McPherson since I'm not the one who has to do extra work, it's worth it!

[Griffin McPherson]

@Melissa_Bailey a strong argument

[ArtMelC]

@Griffin-McPherson this is also a possible real client scenario... haha. All the best!

[Tom Harshberger]

I love the idea, the warped perspective is a really cool idea. One thing I'd work on is sketching in a perspective grid so that each item on the wall follows that warping perspective as it goes down the hallway. Even though the perspective is intentionally wacky, the items still need to follow the overall warped lines for it to look right.

Such a cool idea! Can't wait to see it.