Eragon mini comic project - story feedback requested

carriecopadraws

To learn how to make a graphic novel, I decided to start by making a mini comic. I picked a favorite scene from the Eragon books by Christopher Paolini to adapt into comic book form. I have finished the layout and rough pencils. Before going to ink/shading, I was hoping to get some fresh eyes on it to make sure the story works. Can you help?

Does the story make sense? Were any parts confusing?
Does the pacing feel good? Was anything too slow/fast?
The art is still in a rough stage but hopefully conveys what is going on.

Here is a link to the rough story (the cover is blank, open the book to read!)
Eragon Mini Comic Proof

Thank you! This has been a blast to work on. The project has been educational about how much work goes into a comic. It's challenging but I'm enjoying all the steps! Character design, set design, scripting, panel layouts, speech bubbles, whew! And I still have to draw the thing. I think it'll be a good portfolio piece when it's done.

Sample page:

Meta

Hi Carrie! Your panels look pretty awesome! Yes, it's well narrated and I can follow. I like the change of perspective which is getting lower with each panel. I don't know the original story, but I could imagine some change in attitude of the protagonist in the third panel. A clear break and emotion. He could be overwhelmed when he realizes that what he sees makes him feel insufficient or sth like that. I could imagine putting the text of the last bubble into the middle panel, or even add another panel before switching to the fighting scene. Just an idea. But that depends on what you want to tell.
I would put the protagonist and dragon into the horizontal center in panel three (they are slightly discentered), or put them clearly out of center. You already have some vanishing lines pointing on them. You could even emphasize that more.
But, well, it's already good without all of these changes. That's just polish

Oh wow, now your link finally opened. It didn't do that at first. You did quite some more work. Love the switch between panels and isolated figures. Story reads well! I could try to write more on single sites, if you like but not today!
Hope you'll show the progress! Great work!