First Attempt at Creating a Scene - Feedback Welcome!
This is the first time I consciously tried to create a completed scene. The story is that the ghostly gentleman is waiting for his wife who is lying on her death bed inside the window surrounded by family members. I made so many thumbnails and different crops and this is the best I came up with. I think I may have cropped it too close, but I'm not sure. I feel like it could be better in so many ways, but I'm feeling stuck. I might start over on this idea if you all have any suggestions. Thank you for taking your time out to take a look!
animatosoor last edited by
@aprilshin It's unreal that this is your first completed scene - it's a job well done!
First off, the story is very intriguing. I think the following components are working really well:
- colour scheme
- the rendering of the ghostly gentleman and overall rendering.
I'm wondering if the following things could be improved upon:
- I'm reading the ghost's expression as being distressed at the moment; maybe it could be made clearer what it is he's feeling?
- The plant seems to cut through the middle of the picture. I feel it would work better if moved off to the side.
- The silhouette in the window reads very clearly, but it is hard to tell that the person on the deathbed is a woman. I think it might be challenging to do this, but I'm wondering if altering her silhouette a teeny bit could help - like a top knot/bun on her head or something like that.
I definitely don't think this needs to be started over. It's gorgeous, with such a compelling story!
Alicja W last edited by
I'm wondering if changing the ghosts expression and posture would help with the storytelling. Maybe he would be feeling excited to be reunited with his wife. Perhaps have the scene take place in the actual room so that the figure of the wife could be more clearly seen because she and the ghost are the most important part of the narrative
theprairiefox last edited by
@aprilshin the first thing I thought as well was that the woman actually was the man outside and it was slightly after his death.
Definitely, need to do something to make us 'know' that it is someone else (and a woman) that is about to die inside.
I think this is really lovely and you should be very proud. I don't think you need to start all over. The only thing that throws me off a bit are the plants, as @animatosoor has mentioned. They steal the show to me. They are in the center of the image, and are super interesting to look at. I think if you moved them and de-emphasized their special-ness, it would help us focus on the message more.
It will get easier and easier the more scenes you do. You are off to an amazing start already, really!
NelsonYiap last edited by NelsonYiap
Whoa, this is really nice. I like your painting style. At first I found the atmosphere quite sad, because the woman inside is upset, and the ghost character looks sad too. But yeah now that I read the comments I read it as a bittersweet moment. Posing the character outside differently might help tell that story! Maybe even swapping the colours used so we go from reading cool/sad colours inside to warm/happy colours outside where the ghost is happy. This is really good though
@animatosoor Thank you so much for your feedback! I never thought about how distracting the plant could be smack dab in the middle, lol. I also agree that the silhouette of the lady is unclear and that the gentleman's expression is vague. Thank you for the tips, and I'll work on how to improve on these things.
Also, I just went through your Finishing Drills thread and it's so awesome!!! I love the energy and personality in your pieces. SO GOOD. Thank you for taking your time to offer your advice. I really appreciate it!
@Alicja-W Hi Alicja! Thank you for taking the time to offer your feedback! Yes, I'm now realizing that I didn't take enough time to explore his expression and posture to nail it down. I've also thumbnailed them being in the same room, but I didn't like it as much. I'm thinking I need to go back to exploring that option more, though. Thank you again for your help! It's very helpful!
Also, I was browsing through your IG and your introduction thread and you are so dang good! One of my favorites is the one with the leaning trees with the girl and the flying birds. I can totally see that in a children's book! I also love your Bristle & Nettles painting. So dang cute. Love your work!
@theprairiefox Thank you for the feedback! I definitely need to figure out how to make that more clear. I appreciate you taking time out of your day to help me out!
@TessaW Hello Tessa! Wow, what a difference that makes! Thank you so much for taking the time to do this, and thank you for your kind words! I took a gander at your IG and the compositions you made for Inktober are stunning! So much movement and emotion. I have so much to learn~
@NelsonYiap Hi Nelson! Ooo I never thought about switching the colors. That's an interesting idea! I will definitely need to work on the pose and expression of the gentleman. Thanks for taking the time to offer your feedback! It's very much appreciated!
sarahlawrence last edited by
@aprilshin i love the story behind this. How about making the man look more excited maybe straightening his tie on the doorstep and you could do a ghostly apparition of his (recently departed) wife peering out the window. Like an excited school girl before her first date
Alicja W last edited by
Not a problem! Maybe you don't even have to implement what I suggested, and just focus your time on the characters and how their personalities and actions come across to the viewer? A suggestion is cropping the scene so that image gives the viewer a clear shot on the characters (I also definitely agree to move the plant!)
Obviously this would change the whole composition, but I think it would give a clearer view of the scene that's taking place inside the room and allow you to add some more detail where things read unclearly.
And thank you for the kind words!
@sarahlawrence Ah, yes. So many options I haven't explored! Thank you for the great idea!
@Alicja-W Hmm I think you have a really good point there. I've always been so scared of creating backgrounds/complete scenes that that's what I focused on in this piece not realizing that the focus still needs to be on the characters and the story. Thanks for that insight! I'm going to hold onto that one for future pieces!
animatosoor last edited by
@aprilshin You're welcome! Please do post updates; the folks here - including myself - would be more than happy to help you along, hehe.
Thank you, also, for the compliments!