HTFYA Living Underwater Drawover

[B-rex]

Hey Folks! Yesterday I got my critique for this piece:

I did a very rough drawover incorporating the feedback (see below) - the main takeaway was that I need to make the story clearer (Girl is embarrassed because the Octopus cut her air supply).

Want to make sure I’m going in the right direction and that these changes would be enough to make that moment/action clear. TIA for your thoughts!

[J. Morgan Looney]

This post is deleted!

[Sara_C]

I love the add of scissors and the mischievous look! It looks terrific.

[kayleenartlover]

@B-rex ohhhh yes the mermaid with the phone in the foreground is much easier to see now

[Sunniva]

I really like your concept! And the mermaid in the front being turned towards the couple makes the focal point even clearer, I think

[B-rex]

Thanks for the comments, here is how it turned out with the revisions.

I think this has a much better first read.

[scotthigginsart]

@B-rex Awesome job! its cool to see the changes after the critique! I think this look great. I really liked the in the original one the girl in the foreground looked like she was trying to film on the sly and in the new one she very obviously filming. I guess that just hits home more for me that it would be a set up, something this girl will see online and not realize it was filmed. Thanks for sharing your fixes, very helpful!

[B-rex]

@scotthigginsart thanks for the feedback! I think that’s something I’m struggling with right now, I don’t want things to be “too obvious” but the flip side is the story not being clear enough. Trying to find the right balance is tricky for me.

[scotthigginsart]

@B-rex Yeah I'm in the same boat. I think I remember them saying that they should almost think its too simple and then build the story up from there.