December All-Star Critique Request

aurelia · 16 Dec 2022, 08:53

Hello. I'm grateful for the chance to participate in the All-Stars this year. A little sad though that there seems to be no critiques anymore. Was wondering if anyone could critique my piece for improvements? Thank you!

helenbrady · 16 Dec 2022, 11:58

@aurelia Hey Aurelia. I absolutely loved your piece, honestly your illustration style is so up my street and the actual drawing was definitely one of my favourites. The colours and characters are just so gorgeous.

I think the only thing I would say is that the story wasn't very clear to me- I wasn't sure whether Kamari Klaus was a criminal because of the Wanted poster.

But I totally think it's a portfolio piece, I'd love that in mine! I've got an idea of how you can change it to make the story clearer without having to actually redraw anything other than the poster, I don't know whether it's something that you'd agree with or not but will suggest anyway in case it helps!

So I think I'd change the poster from 'Wanted' because to me it looks like one from a Western movie and that Kamari is on the run or something. I think I'd lose the name Kamari too because it complicates things. So i'd maybe have the poster saying something like 'Job Opportunity' or 'Santa Claus Needed' and maybe then put something below like 'must have big white beard and be jolly/have a belly like a bowl full of jelly' etc.
Then it looks like a fella who looks like Santa has been kicked out of mean old Scrooge's office, the elf and deer are looking for a Santa Claus and the elf has clocked him coming out of the office and thinks he's the perfect man for the job!

And you could still put a line of text saying 'this was the end of the line for Nic (as in St Nic!), or was it a new beginning?' so the prompt is still the same and you've clearly shown he's being booted out of one job but there's an opportunity for another (and way more fun and exciting one!) coming up and you've got a lovely, Christmassy picture to share which tells the story of how Santa found his job!

Obviously feel free to ignore this if that's not what you're going for but I think your drawing is so beautiful it'd be a shame to change it and I thought that might be an easy fix. Xx

ArtMelC · 16 Dec 2022, 13:08

@aurelia I was about to suggest but @helenbrady came first haha. Change "WANTED" to "NOW HIRING" . I absolutely love your piece ️

Kim Rosenlof · 16 Dec 2022, 20:38

@aurelia Your illustration is great! I love the style and the colors and the composition. I do agree with @helenbrady and @ArtMelC that the concept was a little confusing mostly with the Kamari and the Wanted wording on the poster. Another idea would be to put a "For Hire" in the window across the street with a sign saying North Pole Toy Shoppe (or something along those lines) and have one elf in the window along the elf and deer outside pointing at the old man because he is perfect for the position. That is just a suggestion, but the other ideas work too.

aurelia · 17 Dec 2022, 03:06

@helenbrady @ArtMelC @Kim-Rosenlof

Thanks so much for all the feedback. Lol.

I actually wanted to do everything you mentioned initially. With the "To Hire" and finding a new job angle.

But then I was torn between two options:

One was to make the story very clear, where Kamari gets hired later on. And another was to make the story more vague. So there was more suspense. And people would want to turn to the next page to see what happens next in the story.

Of course, I knew that this was a one-shot illustration. But for some reason, I couldn't resist making it part of a longer-term book story. Where the beginning is clear. Kamari gets fired. And something happens to him later. There are people who want him. But why do they want him? You don't know what exactly happens until you read the whole book...

So I guess I got distracted. Lol.

I'll definitely try to create a more straight-to-the-point version for my portfolio. And keep the longer-story one for a book in future. Thank you for all the suggestions guys!

ArtistErin · 17 Dec 2022, 16:39

@aurelia I was so happy to see your piece get into the All Stars! Yours is exceptionally good... Congrats to you and thank you for the opportunity to learn how to make a piece clear, I notice how when fleshing out a composition my story sometimes doesn't translate, and it helps to see how it reads from others' perspectives.

Jeremy Ross · 17 Dec 2022, 17:54

Thinking exactly the same @helenbrady!

Jean Watson · 18 Dec 2022, 00:10

@helenbrady Only thing I'd add to this is that the reindeer could be about to stick the Hire poster on the wall rather than reading it intently (as I'm not sure why he'd be reading his own ad with such interest). So slight change to reindeer and the poster. Everything else unchanged. Such a beautiful work!