Rebooting March 'Lucky' - Can you understand the story? - is it too... weird?

[KatrinaF]

Hey all,
I watched the last Critique Arena and on the last things Lee said was 'don't have a character holding up a 4 leaf clover as your submission for Lucky.' Oh snap. This was my original sketch:

So after absorbing all the tidbits of knowledge and realizing their focus is on story, an interesting story. I created this SKETCH / VALUE STUDY:

Can you 'read' the story without me putting in text? Is it too weird? These are doodle creatures I made several years ago and have just kept them stored away. I'd like to make my portfolio and a book dummy around them.

The bridge has washed away or broken. I don't think that reads well. I think I should put in water flowing thru.

Thoughts, comments critiques are appreciated since I work from home and talk to no one all day! LOL.

Cheers
Katrina

More of my doodle creatures - cause it's fun to share:

[Griffin McPherson]

I’m having a hard time understanding the story. Clarifying the image more could help, I didn’t realize there was a bridge until you mentioned it.

[Valerie Light]

@KatrinaF These are super unique! Reminds me of some of Brian Froud's work! I totally think these characters are worth exploring more. But no, I don't think the story is coming through.

I see that there's a sign on the creature. Luck is money? But honestly that creature looks so sad, and maybe even injured, kind of like its head is hanging on a pole. I also didn't get that there is a missing bridge here. I'm not sure what these people want.

[Asyas_illos]

@KatrinaF I really like it but it’s still a bit unclear at this stage. Composition and characters look great though

[KatrinaF]

@Griffin Yeah that's what I thought. I revamped. Wha-ch think now?

@Valerie-Light Wow. Er my ga! I had to google Brian Froud and realized I've loved his work for years. I just didn't know the name. Drawing quirky forest creatures is so fun. Poor creature looks injured. Must fix! I reworked it let me know your thoughts.

@Asyas_illos Thank you for your comment. I did work on the composition really hard.

1. I Fixed the bridge! And made it stop raining! I am a GOD! I think with the bridge functioning it just blends into the image.

1.5) Now I have a 4 leaf clover sale creature who wants gold round things in return.

2. In the foreground I have those who have the gold round things for a Good Luck leaf. I hope that is clear now.

Thank you all for your comments. Let me know if you have anymore suggestions/concerns.

Cheers
Katrina

[KatrinaF]

Ok.. I think i like the little guy on top.

[K.Flagg]

@KatrinaF I really love these characters (very beautiful and unique) and I think it reads much better. I personally feel like the sign explains it to much instead of letting the audience understand it on their own? What if one of them was on the other side of the bridge exchanging a coin for a clover?

[Griffin McPherson]

@KatrinaF the bridge is more clear now but I’m still unsure of what the story is.

[Asyas_illos]

@KatrinaF I like @K-Flaggs idea of omitting the sign and showing some interaction

[KatrinaF]

So I decided on this for my lucky image. But below it I decided to sketch out what the 3 creatures on the lower right might have picked up at the Lucky Market. Perhaps they aren't having the best of luck...

[KatrinaF]

This reading clear? They bought some 'Luck' at the market but are finding they aren't so lucky.
WIP - Finished lines and Flats.

Thoughts / comments are welcome.

Cheers
Katrina

[KatrinaF]

Okay I think I'm done! Hooray!

[KatrinaF]

Okay. Seriously. I must stop. I bumped the colors and adjusted the background. LOL. I sort of like the 'granma' feel of the background. I mean everything old is coming back right.