Serious Critique Requested - Rough Sketch

[Katherine]

Hi folks,

I'm turning over a new leaf and asking for serious critiques on every move I make this year I think what you need to know about this rough are two things. First of all it's destined to be an illustration for my picture book portfolio and it is a spread in the ink fairy story I'm writing. Secondly it is simultaneously illustrating this poem:

“Although the wind ...”
By Izumi Shikibu

Although the wind
blows terribly here,
the moonlight also leaks
between the roof planks
of this ruined house.

Many thanks!

[Matthew Oberdier]

I think my critique depends on what stage of the process are you in. Are you thumbnailing or sketching?

[Asyas_illos]

I think there should be more detail or something to clarify the “liquid moonlight” that is the floor or ground space. But as @Matthew-Oberdier said it’s a little unclear at what stage your illustration is at. I’m sure you have a clear image in your mind that will translate beautifully as it comes along just like your other works.

[Katherine]

Oh sure! This is a rough sketch with values. So the next step would be moving onto a clean sketch. I should say I realise that ideally I should have provided three roughs but I'm working to a tight deadline for the exhibition and I'm not that fast

[Katherine]

@Asyas_illos So would it be fair to say you have no idea what you're looking at?

[Asyas_illos]

@Katherine I think it’s clear if you were really paying attention to the poem. I just think maybe a darker value back drop would help out a lot but you may already have this on the way I’d love to see the next stage.

[Niels]

Would it be possible to turn up the wind effect in the rough sketch? The first part of the poem mentions the howling wind, but in the picture I would say it feels more like a breeze? Really let the curtains flow in the wind, and show some swirling whisps of wind snatching the photo’s, or would that be too dramatic?

Looking forward to your colour choice

[Katherine]

@Niels That is an interesting suggestion. I, perhaps somewhat ironically, have "tranquil" as one of my keywords for the piece. I'm thinking of the landscape surrounding her as symbolic of her inner state of mind. But I did think it worth trying so I drew some more billowy curtains but felt that it just drew too much attention to the curtains! It was definitely worth a try though and made me consult my keywords and think more intentionally about what I was drawing and why so thank you for the feedback