Which sketch to move forward with?

[Katie Kordesh]

Hi Everyone! Wondering if anyone had any thoughts as to which of these sketches I should move forward with/ feedback in general. I am most concerned with composition, color, and storytelling. In one of the previous critique arenas, I got the note that my characters look like actors on a stage/ greeting card. Wondering if that is still happening with these?

With the first sketch I was trying to convey a cold sleepy morning. They were all so tired they didn't notice the bus go by.

The second sketch is supposed to be 3 little flower people hiding from a menacing cat.

Also my website for reference https://www.katiekordesh.com/

[Julia]

Hello!

To me (not a professional), in the first image, I would draw the characters waiting for the bus at a bigger scale to really draw the focus on them. Maybe you could change the angle of the drawing to do so? I would also make it more obvious they are sleepy: maybe one of the kid could lean against the bus stop sign, with closed eyes? And one other lie on the floor and/or dragged by his/her brother/sister to the bus stop?

I like the touch of yellow on the bus : it is a more active colour.

On the second image, I would show more of the cat behind the herbs. Maybe one bright threathening eye and a paw on a smashed flower? This would add some drama to the story in my opinion.

All that being said, I like how you draw kids and the little creatures. It is very cute.

[Katie Kordesh]

@Julia Thank you julia! I think I will go back and try do some more dynamic sketches. I really like your suggestion and will definitely try out the eye/paw thing.

[dickdavid]

Great sketches.

Clearly, the second bus sketch is working harder to tell the story. You still get the sense of a cold morning, but it reads much quicker. I love the visual connection you make with the 'awake' girl and the bus.

On the flower people sketch, I didn't get "menacing" from that cat.

[Katie Kordesh]

@dickdavid Thank you! do you think that it would help to try @Julia's suggestion or that the idea is just weak overall?

*edit I meant that my idea was weak not the suggestion

[dickdavid]

@Katie-Kordesh I think @Julia 's suggestions are great. Definitely show more of the menacing cat. Not necessarily in much detail, but with some subtle clues as to why your flower people are hiding.

[carlianne]

@Katie-Kordesh so these are super cute. The bus scene I didn't get that they were waiting for the bus, more like the bus never stopped? Not sure if that is ok. I like the yellow option.

For the cat, I think that one is a great example of the actors on a stage issue you're struggling with. In theater the rule is you never have your back to the audience. So if you notice the girl who is looking out could be turned around looking at the cat, but is instead looking forward so it feels more like an actor in a stage.

And in the bus every single character is facing forward, you could have some of them face profile or mix it up to feel less static

[Sasha Contreras]

Out of all three my favorite is the second image (with the yellow incorporated into the raincoat, leaves, and bus). The yellow gives more emphasis on the child noticing the bus go by. This for me allows the blue to signify that the characters that are in blue are being visually described as slippy/tired. I think that perhaps if you played with the mother's body language a bit more it could put more emphasis on her missing the bus as well. I would maybe either tilt her head a bit towards the ground with one leg facing the opposite direction (like her body weight is being placed onto one leg) instead of a perfect stance. I think that may give off a more tired pose. Or maybe even have the coffee spilling on the ground. I love the little yawn incorporated in the kids faces.

[Katie Kordesh]

@carlianne Yeah that makes sense lol. A typical bus driver wouldn't be like "well they're all asleep so I'm just gonna keep going!" Hmm.

I can see that! I'm gonna try a few more sketches today and try to get something a little less stagey. thank you so much for your feedback!

[Katie Kordesh]

@Sasha-Contreras Thanks so much for the notes! Yeah the mom is pretty static rn. A better gesture would definitely help push the idea more!