Hi, everyone! I'd love some feedback on my sketch for this month's contest. Honestly, I'm going to struggle to finish in time, but I would really appreciate some feedback on the storytelling aspect.
What do you think is happening? Does it fit the prompt? Is it clear/effective? Thank you so much!
@Meekipink Looks to me that they are mocking the rabbit with glasses with a dare? If it's like I think it is, it would be better to make the rabbit behind also watching the rabbit with glasses, at least in my opinion.
@Eliana-Bastidas Ahh, good! I'm so relieved you got the concept! Initially, the main bully's hands were both on the handlebars of his bike, and my husband told me it looked like the bunny with glasses was about to be robbed. I changed it to make one hand pointing off camera to imply a dare (or, in this case, a race). I still don't think it's strong enough, but have run out of time to make huge edits ^_^
Yeah... looking at it now, I need to fix the eye-line of both bullies. Hehe, thanks!
@Meekipink It was really a great idea to make that decision, the hand pointing out really helps to convey the message! Okay, looking forward to seeing the edited version
@Meekipink Your characters have lots of personality, which is great!
As for the story, it's not clear to me what the pointing means. It could be, "go over there!" or "look at them, you won't fit in!"; it didn't occur to me that it was a dare. Knowing that it's a dare, I'm not sure why Betsy is mad about it? Fearful of the dare makes more sense to me, but maybe Betsy is very confident in herself and is ready to tell this bully off (that's what I'm seeing in her expression).
You've got great characters, I hope you're able to work on it more and get it into the Arena in time! I'd love to see the finished work.
@Rebecca-Jensen Thank you for your honest feedback! In terms of implying a race, I feel like I've captured the wrong moment. This would be the scene where the little bunny is stopped in the back alley and teased because he's riding a girly bike with training wheels (this would be made more obvious with colour and handlebar streamers). It's not clear that he's being challenged to a race to defend Betsy's honour, haha.
I'll keep tweaking to see if I can make it work.
Ok, story overhaul. The sketch is still rough, so some details are missing, but I think this works a lot better. Now it's about a little sister wanting to join in her big brother's race.
I'm done fiddling around, now it's time to finish this thing!
EDIT: Gah, I realise he's pointing the wrong way (he's telling his sister to go home), but there's no time to fix the whole composition now, haha ^_^ I hope it still works??
@Meekipink Before reading your explanation, what came to mind was that they were bullying her, maybe you would need to add a different shot, where we could see the bunny pointing to their home.
@Meekipink maybe just showing the start line in the background will communicate the race idea. like she's lined up with them but bro is telling her go home
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@jenn .....! Ooh! You've just given me a great idea - thank you!!
@Eliana-Bastidas Hi I have been unable to access the forum for a long time. If you want to do a challenge again soon let's go for it.
@PenAndrew okay! I will write you back with messages.
@Rebecca-Jensen Thank you for your honest feedback! In terms of implying a race, I feel like I've captured the wrong moment. This would be the scene where the little bunny is stopped in the back alley and teased because he's riding a girly bike with training wheels (this would be made more obvious with colour and handlebar streamers). It's not clear that he's being challenged to a race to defend Betsy's honour, haha.
I'll keep tweaking to see if I can make it work.
