Writing Explosion... from drawing
So I have been writing loads and loads of short stories. I think I had a eureka moment when writing a backstory for a character I was drawing. Suddenly I can write stories and finish them, which I couldn't do very well before, I would always hit a brick wall! If your interested in seeing a children's story idea that I tried writing 10 years ago and have finally finished a first draft :) check it out here, sorry about the bad acting haha : https://youtu.be/XgBIPCj01FU
Miriam last edited by
Good job finishing your story!
I'm just wondering a few things about it, and have some ideas for you to consider.
**** Spoiler alert! *****
In the beginning, why doesn't he try to find some gnomes & see if he fits in better there?
If the wizard knows what's going to happen, why doesn't he tell Willbert? Maybe the wizard doesn't want to scare Willbert & thinks he might not go?
I was expecting Willbert to regret not packing the watering can & clock, but then nothing happened with it. Maybe you could do more with that scene by having the fairy say, "That's why we don't want to play with you. Hillberts don't do anything right!" Or it could be established that he doesn't know how to pack, because he's never been invited to go on trips with the fairies. (Or was she supposed to be his friend? I wasn't sure why she was in his house, except that she could just be curious about him leaving, even if she doesn't like him.)
Why does he splash the witch with water when he wants to ask her for help?! (It doesn't sound like a good idea to me! But I guess he was feeling desperate about finding his way, and didn't want to wait, or maybe he was afraid she'd never wake up? It does work out for him though...)
The witch seems to know what is going to happen to him. She says that his destiny is not a good one, and advises him to just go back home. But then she goes ahead and tells him which way to go. Does she care what happens or not? It would make more sense if she's hesitant to tell him because she's mad about being rudely awoken (and is in a bad mood from finding he's not who she thought he was when she was half-awake! How disappointing for her!). But then he could tell her his sad story and she could tell him which way to go out of pity, or just to get rid of him.
Why does he go back to the fairy town? (I guess he could want to return the map, or does he still just want to be accepted by the fairies? Why doesn't he want to look for other Hillberts / Dragons? Or he could have tried to find his unicorn friend.
It doesn't feel quite right that after his transformation the fairies welcome him and he's happy to be their friend, when he was about to destroy them just minutes before, and they don't even apologize for the way they treated him.
It also seems strange for the wizard to tell Willbert that he was special all along. The story doesn't really support that. Where has this wizard been the whole time? It seems like his whole life, all the fairies have been mean to Willbert, and this wizard apparently hasn't had much--if any--interaction with him, but was just waiting by to see if he changes to a normal fairy. Why didn't the wizard tell the other little fairies not to be mean to Willbert--especially if he was expecting Willbert to either change to a normal fairy or become a powerful dragon? Or does the wizard have the map and know that Hillberts have to go on a journey, but he doesn't know what happens to them, and only comes to the realization that Willbert was special all along at the end? That still seems a little weak. Maybe the wizard could say that they all (or at least he) should have realized that Willbert was special all along.
Also, are the other fairies aware that sometimes the yellow wings turn white? They seem as clueless as Willbert. Where is his family? Were they nice to him before the start of the story?
Here's another idea: You could have the fairies just be a bit thoughtless instead of being so rude. They could welcome/invite Willbert to play with them, but then zoom off as they play, and he just can't keep up. You could even have all the fairies be real friends to him and completely accept him, and just have the conflict within himself about being different--even though everyone is nice to him.
It's a little unclear what Willbert looks like at the end when he makes himself smaller. It says he can change back to a Hillbert, except with a little tail. But he is also able to fly. So do his yellow wings come back when he changes? Or does he have his new wings?
You said that you have written lots of stories, so you may have thought of this already: I was thinking you could write other stories that intersect with this one. I think the witch would be a good one. You could have a story about why she is sleeping in a rocking chair in the middle of a forest next to a broken statue, and the person that she thought had awoken her. Was she hoping or expecting him to come meet her there? Or was she just dreaming about him? Of course the witch's story should include the part where she wakes up to Willbert instead, and sends him on his way. It would be fun for people to see the little bit of the other story.
Good luck with this project! It was fun to hear your story & think of more ideas for it! Your performance was a bit over the top, but it suits the story & I love your accent! Kids must love having you read to them and tell them stories--you really get into it!
@miriam Thanks for your thoughts, you have actually picked up on my original idea which is to do a story about all the main characters in the Hillbert story and entwine them to show why each character reacts the way they do.
The witch for instance was awaiting a Hilbert and had to kiss one to release a spell that made her look old.
The giant needed to eat Hillbert wings to make him live another million years...
I need to make the little fairy more of a clear character as she was a friendly one.
I have always been an over the top actor haha a bit panto but got me some work in the past on a few movies. unfortunately my scene in Harry Potter went onto the cutting room floor :( I thought I was a great wizard haha never mind. My niece laughs her head off when I read her books to her :)
Thanks for your help :)
Marsha Kay Ottum Owen last edited by
@jason-bowen I just enjoyed watching your video.
@marsha-kay-ottum-owen Thanks :)
Eli last edited by
Loved your video! I want to listen to these before bed! Ha! I liked the acting.
@eli haha thanks :)
Miriam last edited by
I thought the witch said she thought he was someone else. Or is that just what she tells him (even though she is waiting for a Hillbert)? Also, I thought Hillberts were pretty rare, so does she just wait there all the time?
Just a couple of things to think about as you work out your stories! I think it will make a fun series.