Feedback/critique please!

Adam Thornton 0

Hi folks,
I've been busy working on my first book dummy and have finished my first illustration - a double page spread. I'm really not sure it's working and have become a bit blind to it.

Please could you give me any feedback/critique you're inspired to say. I'm prepared to scrap it entirely and start again.

Best wishes to you.

Adam
(Sheffield, UK)

p 6 - 7.jpg

Fey Realme

@Adam-Thornton-0 well i see a boy, i guess his dad just died. I see a nice landscape, and what feels like a magic cow or a rhino? Maybe one of those cows you seen in documentaries about Africa? I hope the cow is important later. Fairy cow father maybe? Jack n the beanstalk perhaps?

Adam Thornton 0

@R-Fey-Realme
Thanks for that Fey.
Yes, I do need to change it. The light around the cow is too much. Not supposed to be magic, although I totally see why you thought that.
I'm just feeling that my brush strokes, or something, aren't where I want them to be yet.
Thanks again.
Adam

KathrynAdebayo

@Adam-Thornton-0 Hi Adam, congrats on making this piece for your dummy. I can relate to the process of coming into your style, trying different ways of mark making, etc. What has helped me most in that department is just making more and more art. I used to fret over what my style should be, but just making more art helped iron that out without needing all the worry I had near the beginning.

I think you're off to a great beginning with this. I really like the emphasis you have on light in the piece because that can really set a mood.

Here are a few things I'd suggest to push this piece further... Take or leave what you'd like.

I'd alleviate unnecessary distractions from your main subject. I can see that you're trying to utilize contrast to draw the eye to the figure sitting on the hill. I'd recommend making the main subject bigger, and reducing the areas of high contrast in other parts of the image. For instance, the cow in the foreground is drawing a lot of attention. If the cow is important to the story, I'd recommend putting him in shadow and making him much smaller (further in the background)
Also consider atmospheric perspective for a landscape piece like this... how everything in the background will be lower contrast and a more muted tone than the things in the foreground... it may be tricky to pull off such high contrast with the boy on the hill because of how far away he is... I think reducing contrast elsewhere in the image may help.
Remember the gutter and how the paper folds into the gutter in a book. I think it's easy to underestimate how much of an image can become distorted/pulled into the gutter in the center of the spread. For this reason, I'd make sure your main subject is further from the center of the image.
I'd consider utilizing easily readable shapes to build your characters that have nice, easy-to-decipher silhouettes. For instance, show the head of the cow in profile so it's instantly recognizable.

I hope that's helpful! Best wishes.

Adam Thornton 0

@KathrynAdebayo
Thanks so much for taking the time to explain that, Kathryn. It was really interesting to read and I'm very grateful to you.

Yes, I know what you mean about just making more and more art. Trouble is, I seem to get a little paralysed with believing that I'm not good enough so don't make enough art because I know it's not going to turn out good enough for what I'm aiming for. I know it's a classic conundrum though. I remember Will Terry saying something like you've got to make a lot of bad art before you start making good or great art, so you'd better start getting that bad art out there now. I really need to get over myself! Ha ha! But it was reassuring to read that you also used to fret over what your style should be, but just making more art helped iron that out without needing all the worry you had near the beginning.

I'm going to have to deliberate over your suggestions. They are all very valid and I agree with them. My biggest problem though is that some of the artistic choices you highlighted were for particular reasons. For instance, I made the subject (young boy) small because I wanted him to feel a sense of distance from the world at this traumatic time. The cow in the foreground is the family pet (introduced at the start), so is looking sorrowfully at the boy from a distance. But I agree with reducing the areas of high contrast in other parts of the image. I could also put the cow in shadow. And he is too big, isn't he! He was actually smaller originally, but I got carried away with making him bigger!

Yes, you're right, of course, about the atmospheric perspective for a landscape piece like this. But then I thought I'd lose the focal point of the boy. But your idea of a more muted tone for the background than the things in the foreground makes sense. Silly of me to not do that! And, as you say, reducing contrast elsewhere in the image will help.

Yes, I had the gutter and bleed lines showing while I was creating the illustration. But looking at it now I see what you mean about how the paper folds into the gutter in a book and the image can be pulled into the gutter. I think, along with making the boy is further from the centre, I'll move that whole land mass on the left further over, and open up sky.

Yes, I hear you about utilising easily readable shapes to build characters and easy-read silhouettes. With the cow though, he's supposed to be positioned in a straight line looking at the boy. So a profile would detract from that. I'll give that more thought.

KathrynAdebayo

@Adam-Thornton-0
Oh yah, I know the feeling of being stuck sometimes and not feeling like making art because I'm not at the level I want to be at yet. I suppose it's every artist's internal battle at some point.

I'm glad you could utilize some of that. I'm really looking forward to seeing more of your work. It would be cool to see your progress with this piece if you feel like sharing.

I forgot to mention that some of my early inner angst about finding a style was quieted by this forum. I've put up bunches of illustrations on here and asked for feedback like you're doing. It helped me develop a lot faster in the beginning (and continues to help me). I love that we can find honest feedback here and that people are willing to lend an eye to our art. Spending time offering feedback to others also helps.