Feedback Please - before and after SVS Lean
-
Hello! I'm Marta. Three years in between both illustrations. Last year I found SVSLearn and I really feel I've improved a lot since. I know there is still a long way to go and a lot of room for more improvement. Whatever feedback you can give me on this illustrations will be welcome.
Thank you!
-
Hi Marta! The cutout style in the new version is wonderful!
I assume the story is the same in both illustrations, yes?
If that is the case, you lost a bit of your story in the second version. The new version does not tell us why everyone is sad. I like the color transition in the water of the first illustration. Maybe you can bring that to the new one and add some smaller trash (bottles, cans, paper, etc).
Also, with the frog, the plant he is standing on appears to be on the other side of the river (since the water is going behind it), so he would not be able to see the river from that location. Maybe have him on her shoulder, or just closer to her to better establish a relationship between them.
Lastly, I might go back to having the bank be the lush green area in your first illustration to contrast the unclean river.
-
I love the stylization layering and textures you’re working with but I’m also having difficulty with story. Why is she sad, frog looks confused and not sure what the birds are up to with the luggage. Is that what she’s looking for in the water? Hope that doesn’t sound discouraging, love the art just not clear to me what is happening.
-
Hello!! I should have explained in the original post that the illustrations are for similar stories , not for the same. In both stories the main characters are a girl and the river.
In the first one the girl is worried about the problem of the garbage in the river, when the water of the river brings a refrigerator, not the small bottles and cans that it usually does, she is moved to take immediate action about the problem.
In the cut out illustration the girl notices the river is lower than usual, she doesnt hear the birds singing as they used to. She believes the animals are starting to migrate looking for a better place to live and if she doesnt do something about it, her family and the rest of her community wont be able to continue living there.
-
@tom-barrett Hello, is not the same story, I should have mentioned it, but is similar in many ways. Thanks a lot for your feedback, you mentioned some details that I didnt notice, such as the position of the plant where the frog is. Thank you very very much!
