Interested in feedbacking this 12 spread picture book sketches? :D
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Hi my fellow rabbits,
I'm trying to get these 12 spreads finished until mid of April, as I want to send them in for a contest. I'm not really sure whether I will make it, but nonetheless it would be cool to get feedback in this early state, because maybe there are major flaws I didn't see.
This will become a very long post, as of course I first have to tell what the story is about. (It's written by a friend and yes, she will cut away more of the text, as atm it's taking too much space on some spreads - the areas which are taken by text are grey.)The young bandit, son of the most famous bandits of the kingdom, has a bandit test today: And his parents want him to "steal" the princess for this.
Problem: Young bandit has no interest in becoming a great bandit, he likes acting. But how to tell the parents...
So he disguises himself as a count to sneak into the castle to kidnap the princess, like it is expected from him. Standing in front of her bed he decides that he can't do it and wants to leave, but the princess catches him (jumps into his back).
He tells her that he has to kidnap her and she is excited that he is the son of the GREAT Belinda. She admires his mother for only doing what she wants and experiencing so many adventures - as a princess the girl always has to obey her parents and to her living in a castle is quite boring.
The bandit tells her that he also doesn't like to do what his parents expect from him.
Then he has an idea and whisperes something to the princess. She agrees and calls her riding dragon (yes, talking about "boring"), to get them to the hut of the bandits.
There they appear disguised to trick the bandit parents: The young bandit is disguised as a princess and the princess is disguised as the count - so the parents think, the count is their son, just in disguise.
With this the young bandit wants to show his parents how GOOD he is in acting. Then he reveals the play and tells them that he wants to become an actor - and they are fine with it, as they already doubted in his abilities as a bandit.
The princess asks the mother bandit for an autograph, but instead the mother offers to go out on a robbery together - so the princess gets the adventure she desired for.
So these are the layouts I did so far. ANY feedback is highly welcomed.
SPREAD 01 (at home, parents are celebrating the big day):
SPREAD 02 (young bandit tests different roles and what he could say to the princess):
SPREAD 03 ("Where is waldo"-like, shows him in different situations in the castle, to emphasize that he is playing the count SO good no one sees through the play):
SPREAD 04:
SPREAD 05 (princess wants to know who he is):
SPREAD 06 (princess shows a wanted-poster of the bandits mother):
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SPREAD 07 (kids telling each other their problems with the parents):
SPREAD 08 (they are "entering" the dragon, to fly to the bandits hut the fastest):
SPREAD 09 (the two are shown in a way even the reader doesn't know that they have switched roles):
SPREAD 10 (the young bandit acting out being a princess):
SPREAD 11 (revealing the truth, mother bandit is glad he was so bold to tell them about his true desires):
SPREAD 12 (mother bandit making fun of the princess and then asking her to go on a robbery together - if they can ride her dragon):
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Just a few ideas:
The sketch when the boy enters the princess's room and sees her in the bed looks cool, though I do wonder if it might be a better hint to the reader to have him up closer to the bed with her facing away from him and we can see her with one eye open or something like that to show that she knows he is in her room. Then the reader is the only one aware of it, and the bandit still has no idea. when she jumps out of bed and tackles him it is still a surprise because princesses don't do that often, but there was a little hint beforehand just for interest and a little suspense.
In the picture where the boy is acting as the princess, I might give the father a more open pose. Sometimes hands on hips can indicate disapproval. The mother laughing is perfect though in my opinion.
The mother in the last picture looks a bit overly threatening for just a tease to me because she is holding her up by her neck. perhaps something still mildly threatening but perhaps slightly dialed down... not sure what?
I love the one where they are talking about their struggles with their parents their body language looks completely exasperated and it's awesome, I also think all the things on the bed make it interesting to look at as well.
The one where he is whispering his idea to her is good as well I like how her eyes are looking from the side and she looks excited as she hears the idea. overall I think this is great. I hope we get to see some of them when you get some done. this looks like a super fun project.
Also, just a student and an amateur so take my ideas and critiques with a grain of salt
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@MerryMary Thanks for taking your time to give me your ideas!
I will try out your suggestion with placing the bandit nearer to the sleeping princess and let her eye be open slightly!
Also I will try out a more open pose for the father in the later scene.The very frightening looking mother bandit on the last spread is on purpose. Together with the text it comes clearer, it goes something like this:
Princess, shy: "Ummm... Belinda... may I ask for an autograph...?"
Belinda packs her by the napkin and growls: "You sure you only want an autograph?" The pricess stutters: "Only... if..." Belinda grins. "You join us in the foray! Didn't our son promise you an adventure?"(And yes, joining a foray is something cool for the princess - the book is not about "good" and "bad" social behaviour
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@MimiHecher sure thing friend!
That does makes more sense, haha yes context helps
Good luck with this project, I'm sure it will turn out awesome.
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Just wanted to show you some of the results...
