May 2021 Contest WIP Feedback Kindly Requested

Jeremy Ross

Greetings Everyone!

If you have a few minutes, I would certainly appreciate any candid feedback on my May piece before I hit the submit button.

Few things I’m thinking:

Can you see the slingshot?
Should I put the slingshot in her right hand?
Can you tell the fox is handing the girl a floating magic ball to destroy the spiders?
Is the overall piece too dark for an evening scene?
Do you like moon?

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful feedback!

Best!

ajillustrates

@Jeremy-Ross

It took me a bit to find the sling shot
You can solve this by putting it in her right hand, or making the sling black, and the added contrast will draw your eye there.
I totally read the fox handing the power over to her!
It's not too dark.
I like that the big spider is backlit, but it didn't read immediately as the moon to me. Maybe some craters or texture on it?
I love how fun this piece is!

Jeremy Ross

Thank you @ajillustrates! Great points!

Valerie Light

This is really cool! Love your textures. I'm seconding the vote to put the slingshot into the girl's hand, so it reads as part of her silhouette. I think yes, I understand that the glowing ball is a secret weapon, and a slingshot in her hand would tell me what's about to happen next. I don't think it's too dark, but I didn't understand that the white circle was the moon. Maybe emphasize the shadows under the spiders lengthening toward us from the moon's light?

Jeremy Ross

Thank you @Valerie-Light, appreciate your feedback! I’ll definitely work these improvements.

Melissa_Bailey

@Jeremy-Ross howdy! Interesting concept. To answer your questions:

The slingshot in her back pocket isn’t immediately apparent.
Yes, putting the slingshot in her hand would make it easier to see and indicate that she is about to spring into action (instead of the slingshot waiting in her pocket in case she needs it).
Sorry, this wasn’t clear to me. Why is the fox handing it to her? What does it do? Why is it magic? As the composition stands now, the picture isn’t communicated that story.
Not too dark.
It doesn’t immediately read as the moon. Could you make it look more like the moon? Or is the moon acting more as a distraction? Would removing it and just having a sunset behind the spider be enough?

Looking forward to seeing your final piece!

Jeremy Ross

Thank you @Melissa-Bailey-0! Great points, and gives more to think about regarding storytelling. Appreciate your feedback.

Jeremy Ross

Thanks for the feedback @ajillustrates , @Melissa-Bailey-0 and @Valerie-Light !

What do you think of the edits? I feel like it’s ready, but welcome any additional feedback. I decided to lose the moon and give the sky a scary feel with crows going crazy to provide some dynamic movement to the background as the spiders race forward.

Melissa_Bailey

@Jeremy-Ross I think you made some great changes that really improved the piece.

Just something to think about: spiders usually have two prominent fangs -- perhaps switching out teeth for fangs would really say "spider"? The white teeth are also competing for attention with the main characters -- is that what you're going for?

One more thing: when you took out the moon, you changed the light source to the glowing ball. Everything should now be lit differently, as there is no more backlighting from the moon. There especially wouldn't be such a dark shadow underneath the main characters because they are so close to the main light source. If you tone down the brights so that the lightest thing in the illustration shares a space with the main characters, that will really help them stand out.

Oh, and I don't think you need the crows. Why are they there? What are they adding to the story? For me, they're distracting from the main action.

Apologies for getting so nitpicky. Really looking forward to seeing where you go from here!

Jeremy Ross

Hi @Melissa-Bailey-0, thank you so much for your thoughtful feedback.

I really appreciate your comments, nitpicking is exactly what I need (smile)!

You definitely provided some excellent points; I’m going in for another round.

Cheers!

lizardillo

This is great. I love the interaction between the two, they look like they are a real partnership and know exactly what their are doing. To add the Melissa’s very well written comment regarding the spider character - if you have look at spiders they also have a strange amount of eyes! Without losing the feel of your piece and it’s stylised look, adding the fangs and extra eyes would make the spider a really fearsome creature

I just googled ‘spider eyes’ for ref. Not sure if I should add a photo here or not (please don’t have nightmares)

Jeremy Ross

Hi @lizardillo, so I re-drew the spider to be more realistic but just wasn’t feeling it, so I decided to stick with my original monster-ish-like spider.

I adjusted the lighting based on input from @Melissa-Bailey-0. It’s not perfect, but I’m happy with it.

lizardillo

@Jeremy-Ross it looks great. The spiders legs are a lot clearer now the crows have gone so it looks more spider-y by just doing that without the need to add the extra facial features

Georgios Christopoulos

@Jeremy-Ross the concept and composition is beautiful! Good Luck with it!!!

Jeremy Ross

Thank you @Georgios-Christopoulos and @lizardillo!

Melissa_Bailey

@Jeremy-Ross really nice! The lighting makes SUCH a difference. Great job!

Jeremy Ross

Thank you so much @Melissa-Bailey-0! I really appreciate you taking your time to offer feedback throughout my revisions.

TaniaGomesArt

@Jeremy-Ross It looks really great! I'm really at the beginning of my journey, so a lot of times I don't have much feedback to give in terms of improving, but is so interesting to see how these small changes make such a difference!! Good luck for the contest.

ellenseal_art

@Jeremy-Ross So fun! I love how the spider is scary but also somehow adorable? Perfect children's book balance! I'm also obsessed with her little spur earrings that match the ones on her shoes. Such a fun little detail. Best of luck in the contest!

Jeremy Ross

Thank you for your kind words @TaniaGomesArt! Often times, I complete my piece at the 11th hour and lose the opportunity for feedback from this wonderful community.

Feedback is such a wonderful gift!