@NelsonYiap you are right. I think I fall into the trap of thinking I’m giving up on my dream if I don’t work at it no matter what. But, honestly, sometimes life just plows you over. And it’s not wrong to let yourself feel that. I figure I’ll become more consistent at things like Instagram when I have the space for my art to be an actual career, but I’m gonna let myself be a student for now. And, yes! I have been filling my creative bank account with books and things. And even some outside time. Though, we live in Alaska and it is COLD! I do sometimes just sit with a cuppa tea and let myself stare at the trees around our house. It is very peaceful and filling to do that.

@BichonBistro thank you Patty. And thank you for the Christmas card you sent. It definitely made me smile. I know we’re just in a season right now and I’m thankful for it in a way. I know it deepens the work we do when we go through hard things. And, I’m slowly starting to pick up my pencils again.

@Bricz-Art I’m glad I’ve got some company. I’ll try to post when I get some of the assignments done.
Thank you for the encouragement. This community is so amazing.

@ColbyGreen I think the “going at my own pace” thing is the part I struggle with. I want to go at someone else’s pace... someone who is actually accomplishing something.
That’s a good word though. Thank you!
p.s. one of my boys is named Colby. ️

@Coley I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. I agree with you that it is better to put struggles out there than it is to go on in silence. Sometimes it feels like complaining. And, sometimes it feels like maybe we’re just making things up in our head. But, it’s just a lie that keeps us from real connections with people. It breaks my heart to hear stories of people who kept it all to themselves until it just ate them up. Makes me very thankful for all the little communities we have found. I’ll put that podcast on my list of things to listen to!
Also, I have one teenager and I’ll have another one in July. Some days it’s great and others, not so much. I joked with mine about getting them some score cards to hold up, you know? Just to make it easier for them to tell my husband and I how they feel about our performance in any given moment.

This little sketch was probably my most honest and vulnerable piece this year. And, as unplanned and quickly done as it was, I love how simple and true it is.

@IgorWoznicki thank you! All of that is really good advice. I feel a little lazy that I’ve taken a break and been plugged into some audio books, but I think maybe it’s okay to do that every now and then. I hear people saying “if you wanted it more, you would muscle through...” But, realistically, sometimes life just plows you over. I do like the idea of being willing to reorder everything. Different seasons mean having to adapt and create new ways of working. I’m a little late getting my planner this year, but I’m hoping to spend a good chunk of time setting myself up with a good and reasonable plan once it gets here.
I’m adding that link you put up to my watch list!

@xin-li thank you! I need that. I will read that article today for sure. Self care went completely out the window this year and it makes me feel like I’m losing myself. Most of my New Years resolutions have to do with gaining some of that back. My sister is helping by jumping in on things like yoga with me. And, we decided to bring some of our close friends in on our struggles and have found so many open arms and people willing to sit in the broken things with us.
Thanks for your encouragement. I love your Instagram too!!

@LauraA thank you so much for the encouragement. It’s good to know I’m not alone in all this. I figured there was at least a few people in this amazing community who would get this. I wanted to share it because sometimes it can seem like everyone else is moving forward, plowing through the classes, doing the monthly challenges...And, it’s slipping away from just me. I know that’s not true though.
And, yes! Being a mom is pretty all consuming even on the good days. Most of the time I only get to draw when everyone is in bed for the night, but, they are precious to me and definitely take priority right now. I also need to make sure I’m taking care of myself so I have something to give them, and that’s been really difficult lately. Both my husband and I are utterly drained. But, I feel like the clouds are starting to part a bit.
It’s also a good reminder to look back and see what I’ve accomplished. I know I’ve grown over the years even if I’m not where I want to be. At this point I think I just need to set some realistic goals and aim to keep my pencil in my hand. What you said about just drawing what I can that day is perfect... I just need to let go of feeling like I have to regularly produce something I want to post on Instagram. It’s okay to be where I’m at right now, and I know it won’t always be this way. I’m also, weirdly thankful for this season. I feel like it’s been growing us as a family and deepening things. I hope that it translates into my drawing and storytelling and makes it all a bit truer and richer. ️

2019 was a hard year for us. Probably one of the hardest we’ve been through. And we’re still trying to come out of the fog of it. I’m really thankful for Will and Jake sharing their struggles over the podcast. It was definitely a year of change and loss and moves. Everything Will said about losing his art for a while after his wife died struck a cord with me. It’s not been easy to pick up a pencil at the end of a long and physically/mentally/emotionally exhausting day. I managed to do a Slowvember piece and a couple other things but my daily habit has fizzled away. I’ve backed off of Instagram and even had a period of time when I needed to suspend my account. I’m trying to get myself up out of it all and get back into a routine again. I’m thinking about doing the new guided curriculum at SVS. Maybe it’ll help hit the reset button. Any one have any other suggestions? I’m really thankful we made it through and I’m hopeful that 2020 will be a bit more peaceful.