I like the version with the linework! The no-linework version would work better if you cleaned up and sharpen some of the edges. In response to your composition question, it does seem a bit too close-up due to similarities in scale. I think you could really push back those background elements and scale them down while keeping a few foreground elements bigger. You can also try playing around with some atmospheric perspective where foreground start out dark and gets lighter as it fades into the background. Like this photo for example
Maybe not quite as dark as these two but they're good examples..
Nice work though! I like how you chose to use grey lines instead of black, gives a nice contrast without being too distracting.