Jonathons Dec. 3rd Thurs.

  • Still in the super rough stage trying to design the comp. Just wanted peoples first impression. I realize there are a lot of details that are off like the back wheel and such but I'm looking more for critique on the overall composition. Thanks guys. img489.jpg

  • SVS OG

    Lovely drawing..your linework is so good...I like the composition and values too. The questions in my mind are more about the storytelling...I assume that Santa has asked a delivery boy to do it for him? Is he an elf, or someone Santa knows...? Is he just setting off from Santa's place, rushing down the mountain?...If that's the case, perhaps we could see Santa and some elves waving him off in the background? (just an idea) I feel I'd like to see a better connection between where this boy has come from and what his task is. Hope that makes sense.

    Oh...just thought, it would be fun if it were Santa riding the bike! That would definitely tell the story if you wanted to keep the same composition (which is great)...then, say, if the bike had a mudguard, you could have an elf or two balanced precariously on the back...Anyway just thoughts, looking forward to seeing where you take this next! 🙂

  • i like the composition so far and yes who is that girl riding the bike?

  • SVS OG

    Ooops yes I see now that it's a girl...

  • @Jonathon-B said:

    Still in the super rough stage trying to design the comp. Just wanted peoples first impression. I realize there are a lot of details that are off like the back wheel and such but I'm looking more for critique on the overall composition. Thanks guys. img489.jpg

    Since you only wanted comments on the composition, here's what I think...

    Your 2 foreground trees share 50% of the "real estate" of the page... so that makes me question if they will be important. You could do 2 things, zoom in more and only show the edged corner of one of those trees, and imply a longer winding road behind the biker to show the distance she's gone. OR if I may interject the prompt, put something Xmas like into these 2 trees. Maybe decorate them up, have a small elf in one waving her on, or handing her a hot cup of chocolate, much like runners get passed water on their route.

    OR instead of the bag on her back, you tie on top of her, a small fat Santa holding the bag. She's got a very serious look on her face of concentration, which makes me think about the steep road she's on. IF you take the 2 trees out or make them smaller and lower, then you have 50% of your page basically empty. You could put up a sign, pointing in the direction she came from, with " Santa's Workshop " on it.

    I don't think your back wheel is the biggest problem, you can move it a fraction back if it bothers you, I don't know bikes I'm afraid. This is a really tall body you drew, so if you're suspending reality like that, why not attach the sleigh to her? Sure in a world of perfect physics it will crush her on the way down, but then you have to wonder, how is this messenger gonna get to those hard to reach areas that have no roads. Does the bike fly like ET? Then you could suspend it over the tree tops, and show Santa and elves below you.

    It's a very cool illustration, and I like your style a lot, my only concern is half the page seems " blank " and is that on purpose for text? Or you just like drawing trees? Why is the bag so open? No messenger would travel like that, I get that you want to show us they're presents, but such a large sack implies this partially, maybe sealed with a decorative bow on it says enough.

    I'm not sure where you wanna go with your story, you could put a frightened for their life stuffed animal on top of the presents, that would be funny, if funny is what you're striving for... I don't know, she looks pretty serious. Anyway hope some of that helped, good luck!

  • I like this idea a lot, also digging the bicyclist's style! I personally would put the trees upright, so it doesn't look like flat ground with the camera angle just tilted. Trees grow vertical even on a hill.

  • SVS OG

    I'm in agreement with @bharris about the trees being upright. I do like how the layering of the trees and mountains give the image a sense of depth.

    1. I love your mad skills 🙂
    2. I agree with the first 2 commenters that although it's well executed, the story needs a little more work. I like the ideas presented (have santa be the rider or have santa waving her on or have santa riding on the mud guard or having elves in the foreground trees handing her coffee)
    3. Because there's nothing in the entire upper 1/3 of the left side of the page, my eye gets drawn there...I'd suggest either getting rid of those foreground trees and putting trees in that blank spot or putting something that will further the story there, like elves and santa cheering her on (or santa handing her another bag of toys)

    I hope that helps! Everyone's given great suggestions so far...

  • OK lot's of great comments. I'll try to take in everyones input and see what I can do. @Dulcie > I think your right. There needs to be more of a connection to the prompt. @bharris and @shinjifujioka . I'll fix those trees. @Naroth-Kean The character is a bike courier like you'd see in a big city. The idea is that Santa hires bike couriers to deliver the toys. I am considering adding more couriers to sell the scene. @Bobby-Aquitania and @amberwingart . Thanks for the ideas I agree that the story needs to be pushed a little further and your suggestions have sparked some ideas in my head. Thank everyone.

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