October WIP, would love your feedback!

  • @chrisaakins thank you for the suggestion! Yep, I think something like this can help the interpretation of the frames a little more. I will experiment with it! 🙂

  • I've taken the feedback of @kanari-illust and @chrisaakins into account and actually started over to work on an improved story and design of some of the elements in the scene. Here is my progress (unfortunately just a photo and not a proper scanned drawing yet, so some details get lost):


  • (Still 'inking in progress'! 🙂 )

  • @Elena-Marengoni Wow! This reads SO MUCH BETTER! I really like it! I think now the story of the failed attempts takes center stage which I think is actually more of interest than her actual success. I really like the style of this piece, too. Great job!

  • I also think your second image reads way better then before. Well, it's going into direction of animal testing ... And I wouldn't know which audience this is directed to?
    You could try to make Penny pop a bit more. Either you thicken her (out)lines a bit, or you darken the wall behind her ... there are various ways for doing so. On your first image, I weren't sure if the dog on the pictures on the wall was always the same one. It's better now (maybe due to the numbers), but perhaps you could give him some spot somewhere or a mark or whatever that makes it easier to identify him. I wouldn't overdo that though, because his white fr stands out very well from the rest.
    In any case, it's a very interesting approach to the prompt, to make him suffer this again and again. It makes me want to see a positive twist for him ... some light at the end of the tunnel ... in some way. Maybe in another drawing? Just an idea. Sorry, I think I'm putting too much emotion in here :face_with_stuck-out_tongue: 🙃

  • I can imagine you're hestitant of trying out some radical change in lighting or light/dark composition (like a black wall) - as I would be if I had put so much time and effort in all those details! You can always throw some value on it in photoshop before you do a change to see if you want to risk it.

  • Nice improvement! I think it's much easier to understand now that you've included the numbering. 🙂

  • @chrisaakins Thank you!

  • @Meta thank you for your many suggestions! Yep, definitely a good idea to make Penny pop a bit more and to add some elements that make the dog recognizable like spots (which I actually had in version 1! 🙂 ). In general, not all the values have been applied so far and I've left some areas, like Penny and the big pipe, temporarily blank cause I wanted to approach the drawing one step at a time and figure a few things out as I went. I will definitely try a couple of options in Photoshop first. I am thinking to darken the walls and the floor, maybe not black, but just enough to make the two characters pop more on a dark background.

  • Second image looks better @Elena-Marengoni 🙂 I'm looking at the scientist guy and thinking he's pacing back and forth in excitement whilst pointing at either the dog or the pictures on the wall. Was that the intention?

    Also if he's pacing back and forth or continuing his experiment, he might need space on the floor to walk around. Would rethinking the placement of these objects work better in your opinion?

  • @Zeyad Yep, the intention was to show the scientist jumping in excitement. I agree that the space is a little tight (part of the concept was to show that the lab is a little cluttered but maybe I overdid it), not sure if I'll be able to move things around as this is actual ink on paper 😞

  • @Elena-Marengoni To me, it's clear that she is jumping about in excitement. Not so sure about the emotion and condition of the dog, though ... What was he intended to be like?

  • @Meta in my intention the dog is puzzled and a little bit surprised (negatively) at the sight of the frightening documentation of the repeated (and failed) experiments...hope that's coming through!

  • @Elena-Marengoni hmmm, no, not yet ... He seems to be looking into nowhere, a bit like a zombi. Maybe it's because of where his eyes point. If you imagine his eyeballs in a 3-dimensional room, they don't point towards the wall with the pics, but follow a line parallel to that wall, maybe to the ceiling. For looking at the pics, he would have to turn his head and/or his eyes more. I don't know if I am the only one who read his behavior like this?

  • @Meta I might have been looking at it for too long so I don't see it right away, but I do see where your're coming from. I'll accentuate the fact that his gaze points sideways more than upwards, hopefully that will improve the way the story reads! 🙂

  • Here is my progress! I feel like the feedback I got helped me a lot to make this better...so thank you all for sending your suggestions! What's missing now is just fine-tuning some values in the scanned version....maybe still not perfect as I imagined it, but I am happy about the journey and the things I have learned! 🙂

    Screenshot 2019-10-29 at 12.53.23.png

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