New Book New Style, Need some critique!
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Hey guys!
I am starting a new book with a new style. I have already made a character design sheet, cover, transcript and the first spread. I need to know if you guys think I could alter anything or if there is anything I could improve about the style.
The story is about a boy named Goober (I know it's a goofy name) who is playing hide and seek with his monster, but the reader ends up finding out the truth about the monster in the story. I thought it'd be pretty cute. Please let me know what you guys think.
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Hi @cory-jensen, I like your new style and congratulations on your book! Looks like a fun read.
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@Jeremy-Ross Hey thanks buddy! I am glad you like it. I hope it does work out to be a cute book everyone likes
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@cory-jensen All I want to know now is how the monster looks!
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@alexw LOL That can be done with the character sheet
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Hi Cory,
Overall I see a few issues. First, the lighting needs work. With the way you've done the shadows, it reads as multiple light sources. Your main light source comes from the door, but the shadow on the cabinet is going the wrong direction. On the bed, both side should be close in color, again, because of the light coming from the door. Adding some rim lighting to the objects in the room would help also.
You perspective is off as well. The bed, the room, and the cabinet all have different vanishing points.
I would remove the cabinet all together as it creates a barrier between the boy and monster's shadow. Your eye wants to stop at the cabinet to look at it instead of moving directly to the monster.
I would also make the door lighting and monster's shadow much, much larger, almost filling that side to enhance the "scariness" of the situation. Maybe have some of it touching the bed to create some tension.
I like the cover. Great choice of fonts and layout. I do a lot of editing in my day job, so I suggest taking off the "Let's find Out." on the back cover. The question at the end is compelling enough without it. And, maybe I am reading to much in to it, but you give away the fact there is an answer already, reducing the excitement to read the book.
I might even go so far as to change the text to:
"Goober's imagination leads him on an exciting game of hide and seek! But, who's he hiding from!?"Hope that is helpful.
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@cory-jensen
Question for you. This is more about the implied narrative.Some kids, might actually think of their dads as...actual monsters.
Is the narrative a subtle implication that the boy's dad is a "monster" metaphorically? (I wonder if it's worth consider. Some parents might go that route in their minds if this is published)
Not saying you should change the story, more just posing the question to consider.
My thoughts initially went to, if the boy has an imagination about his dad being a monster...why? Is his dad mean?
Although, you definitely have grounds for the narrative to be innocent, and I'd argue that because of your art style. It's very friendly.
Again, you can disregard my posed question if you'd like, just curious mainly.
