@Holly-Fox I agree with @kayleenartlover. Your character is much better in the original. A lot of her personality and apprehension is lost in the new version.
Also, you have added so much more detail and color to the new illustration that it overwhelms the eyes. There is no flow or focal point any longer. The bright pink on the left and on the door draw your eye in those directions. In your original, you start with the girl, and her eyes lead you to the next area (the ghost), and give you a path around the room.
Hope you don't mind, but I did a quick draw over of what I think might work better in your original.
1709640488873-jan-2024-htfya-holly-fox-jpg-resized.jpg
I would move the balloon (and add more) and the presents to the table where the mouse is as your "destination" for the readers' eyes as they move around the room. You need to have the cat looking in the direction of the girl, and maybe hidden a bit more. Lastly, you need to add a bit of the crayon-like texture to the curtain so it looks more a part of the whole composition.
I don't remember what the guys said about your art, so my comments/suggestions are only based on what I see here. Hope it helps!