October: 3rd Thursday- feedback please...



  • Hey guys, I really like the submissions of this months topic! I'd really like to get some feedback on the draft sketches that I've been working on. Thanks for any help.
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  • I really like your piece!! - things worth mentioning may be...that the bottom left character Is, at the moment, the focal point - the eye moves from the moon to the monkey to him and then lingers there because his mouth is the area of highest contrast - and it is a face also so it really captures our eye - easy fix would be to make the ostrich the highest contrast item - also you could use grouping to show the ostriches' importance - this would mean moving the giraffe some distance away from the ostrich to the left so that the ostrich stands apart from the group more - that would allow you to scoot the ostrich too ever so slightly away from the edge of the page...I think it might be a bit too close especially since he is looking off the page - you could also change his gesture so that he is looking back into the page or down to lead us back into the page - The moon could also end up as a sticking point for they eye depending on how you paint it - possibly put some atmospheres (mist perhaps) between the moon and the zoo creatures so it does not command so much attention....my guess is you are trying to avoid the E.T. composition with the character framed by the moon but it might really work well in this piece....and E.T. was like 40 years ago right? .... basically your drawing looks really good though ... looking forward to seeing your next step!



  • I really love your piece and I agree with Kevin's critique!



  • Agree with Kevin too - I'd suggest maybe pushing the moon out the composition (but keep the rim light that it's giving) . With the monkey in the foreground I'd black (or darken) him out, and perhaps a bit of a blur to give a sense on depth - and I'd face him the other way with a bit of profile on the side to keep some of that great expression in. (: Also keep an eye on the perspective of that railing compared to the block and Zoo sign.

    I really like all the animal's expressions and you've got a nice flowing composition and it feels appealing to me which is a great! :D
    Keep us posted! (:



  • Nice draft work. I'm not an expert or a pro so this is only my opinion or experimentation. How about making all the animals facing and looking at the ostrich? This will make the the ostrich be the focal point. And may be try to give the animals some more curved shaped lines as straight lines tend to make the animals feel stiff. Oh, I hope you don't mind I've done a draw over to try and show you what I would have done. (excuse my terrible drawing skills.) I hope I'm helping you out, or just ignore everything I said, it's up to you.
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  • Thanks everyone for all of your excellent ideas! I'll definitely take them into consideration and keep you all posted.



  • Ok, well I tried a few different things and thought about what you guys had said. I'm curious to what everybody's thoughts are on this new WIP! I really tried to get most of the attention on the ostrich by keeping him separate but using the other elements to draw the viewer's eyes back to him.

    Ostrich_Flying_SVS_M_Small.jpg


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