SCBWI Mystery



  • Hey guys, I haven't seen if anyone else is doing the narrative art award competition here, but here is mine. The theme is mystery in honor of Sherlock Holmes ages 4-8. I didn't want to do the generic "who took my cookie" or "where is my sock" so I went through tons of other story ideas.

    I'd like some feedback if the general story is coming through here. It is supposed to depict dilemma, conflict, resolution. "What's in this chest?" The last image isn't done, but grandpa is an old pilot and all of his global treasures are in the box. I threw in a Sherlock hat and pipe and a magnifying glass to add a little bit of whimsy for the prompt.

    Yes, I'm planning to add color! :D

    0_1504387228390_mystery.jpg



  • @bharris just had a look at your portfolio and I think you have a great illustration style,

    The story of these illustrations comes through really well. great compositions. I think you might want to change the perspective of one of the illustration so that the story isn't told from the same view point. maybe an over the shoulder view of the map...



  • @julian-beresford Thank you so much! I'm so glad the story line is coming through, that seems to be the part that always takes me the longest.

    I was thinking the same about changing up the perspective on the last one... I like it so much, but I guess we can't be married to our concepts. Especially if it will enhance the project. Thanks, I'm glad to hear that is another artist's thought too.



  • @bharris No problem you're welcome, That's something I have to keep telling my self aswell



  • I think the story is coming though good, and even better with the unexpected ending. A few things I think could be improved. Taking a hint from @willterry, I would enlarge and darken the box at the front of the first panel, to help frame the action, and give the room more depth. The middle is perfect, though I might have all the kids looking at the old man, rather than each other. I like the last panel as well, but I would bring the little girl closer to the old man, so she is more involved in the story the old man is telling. Nice work!



  • these look great, so clever



  • @tombarrettillo The unexpected is what I was going for :) so glad that is showing! I'll play with the kids' eyes, I still don't like their placement. With the first panel I was trying to really make the rest of the image almost disappear away from the focal point, but since you mention it, I don't think it's working. I might be changing the whole last image... but I really like it and I can't figure out how to show everything with a different perspective.

    Thank you for your help!

    @lmrush Thank you!



  • Beautiful job so far. Love the concept and your lighting and values are really working well. Here are my suggestions.

    1. I feel the drama is not quite being achieved with the kids in the middle image. It could be as simple as tweaking their expressions or you may have to change their poses, like Tom suggested, but the kids don't look as concerned or startled as I would expect. The cat is doing the best acting at the moment.

    2. With the first two panels you've established a composition based on a pretty strong triangle, but the last panel is not. I think the perspective of the third panel is fine, but I would think about making the last panel be based on a triangle as well to unify everything. I would lower the image on the third panel, so that it matches where the other two images are lining up in relation to the format.

    0_1504462745573_bharris.jpg

    Anyway, those are my thoughts. These are very well done overall and they were a pleasure to see.



  • @TessW Thank you for looking Tess, you saw so much! I changed the kids' expressions here. And the last image now has the triangle look, but doesn't line up, but I think it works okay. Really appreciate the feedback!

    0_1504493299639_mystery 2.jpg



  • Very well done. Looks beautiful.



  • These are fantastic way to go. Great work.



  • @TessW and @evilrobot Thank you very much!



  • Very nice work.The 2nd pannel works so much better now! Great work :)



  • @NoWayMe Thank you, it was so necessary now that I look back. :)



  • Looks good!



  • @bharris I like the new expressions in the second panel, I still think the viewer is far away from the action/fun in the last panel though



  • @tombarrettillo Thanks!
    @julian-beresford That really helped a lot. I know it could be better, but this is what I decided to go with. :)

    I got some help from @Rich-Green who helped me get the girl in teh last panel on the same plain as the rest. Here is where I'm at with color. I'm trying to keep the line work and texture as a part of the image, to hopefully get away from the digital look that most of my work has. I'm wondering if this is working...? I don't like doing stuff really lightly colored, but is is going together well? The kids in the first panel aren't done, but you can tell where it's going a bit.

    0_1504643719710_Capture.JPG



  • @bharris I think the way your colouring Is great, It works really well - it has a nice textured traditional feel to it.



  • @bharris these are fantastic



  • @julian-beresford and @Tyson-Ranes Thank you, I wasn't sure if it was coming out well. More eyes are so helpful!