Would like feedback/crit on my Astrid submission
Hello everyone, I am a subscriber to svslean, and have been working my way through the great classes offered here. I have only recently realized there are active forums where you all help each other with their work, and I love that! I wanted to get some feedback on my August 3rd Thursday illustration, as I want to improve on it, since it was not chosen to be professionally critiqued.
@artistgeo Great piece. I circled in red some areas that could be addressed. On the girl the elbow, hand and legs look like you were uncomfortable drawing so they got hidden. Just got to draw, draw and draw some more. And the sheep in the far upper right corner is blue. Was that on purpose? Also I could see the paper craft overlap the sheeps back to bring in some depth. Other than that I like the wonky perspective.
Maybe clearing up some ambiguity, like the sheep's size. Is the sheep really large or is Astrid just small? If you put some other elements in the back ground to compare the other sheep to. Like if the sheep are giants then some trees being eaten by the sheep. If Astrid is small then maybe doing the opposite and having regular sized trees.
I would also make the plane about twice the size so it looks like it would be able to hold Astrid. Right now they are about the same size.
Also have both hands holding the map up close to her torso is a sort of frightened pose to complement her expression so it doesn't look like Astrid's right arm is amputated.
I think this is a great idea and its a beautiful image. There are a few things that I would change about it. I want to stress that this is my opinion and you should take in ideas you like from people and reject the one's you don't.
I like to map out the basic shapes to check the composition.
I don't know where I heard this or if this is a thing, but I feel like I heard somewhere that the main ideas should be presented within this circle. The girl looks good but the sheep is pushed really far to the edge.
Beyond all the beautiful colors and painting and cool ideas, there are some composition things I really like. As I said before, I like where you put the girl. The map is in a good hotspot as well. I like that you did a "T" over lap on the hills and I like how you avoided the tangents on the ear, fur, and hill converging point.
In my opinion, there definitely needs to be more sky. You also crop the clouds in a way where we only see the bottom of them or a corner. Of course we know they are clouds when we think about it, but they aren't presented in a way that they are easily read as clouds. There is a slight tangent with her hair and the plane. Also, she needs a better pose, with better silhouette. Another thing is her hands. It does look like you are hiding them like katrina said. I do understand what you were trying to do with the map. If she was reading it, it would have to fall that way for us to see the map side of the page. This would make it so her fingers are hidden and we can only see her thumb. For stuff like this, I think you should try hard to find a work-around. Its important to make everything readable. Then there is the plane. Katrina also made a good point to have the corner come up to show more perspective. Lastly, the sheep's nose is way to close to the edge to where it looks cramped.
A thing that baffled me for a bit was the direction of his head. The perspective of his ears are good but they conflict with the perspective on the face. It looks like you are trying to do a flat shot of the sheep's head in profile, but the ears aren't in flat shot. I tried to show this with a square diagram. Its probably pretty confusing. I don't know about the girl staring at the viewer. It might be stronger if she caught eyes with the sheep or she looks confused or lost, not knowing she is on a sheep. Also, It took me a bit to realize the sheep isn't a giant. There are 2 clues to this. The first is that she is riding a paper airplane. The 2nd is the normal sized grass in his mouth. The rest of the picture supports the sheep actually being giant. I suggest showing some of the grass he's eating and showing the ground plane that he is one.
I made some adjustments to the composition. I opened up the top to make more sky and shrunk the characters in the foreground to make room for the scene. I added grass and a ground plane to show that the sheep is not a giant. I had the clouds show more to read better and had them wrapping around the hill to show perspective. I think this pairs well with those cool wrapping lines you put on them as well. I had the sheep's head turned away a little to match the perspective with the ears. I also changed the direction of the paper airplane. It seems to assist the story better if the plane had come from opposite of the sheep's view. I changed her pose for a better silhouette. I have her right hand pulling back her hair, showing the edge of the hand. The reason why the right arm you drew looks nubby is that it doesn't show both the upper and lower arm. I have her left hand palm-down holding the map so it reads better as a hand. Her body now has a line of action which is important for any character drawing. I included that circle diagram with mine to show how I placed the characters in the zone of importance.
I think you did a really great job though. I do feel like you could benefit from spending a while playing with the composition and layout to figure out what is best for the story and to make sure everything is structurally sound. I think it would be best to post a rough sketch or composition that you want to go with and get feedback on that before bringing it over to the final. Personally, criticism hurts a lot more after I finish a piece and I see all these things that I want to change.
@quickdrawkevin Wow! I want you to help me sometime like this!!
Thank you!!! Thank you all so much. You have made me see this in a much different way, and many of the things brought up really make so much sense. I really appreciate the time taken out to help me. And holy cow, thank you guys for drawing out your explanations, it really helps so much to understand what you mean. I am at work right now, so I am sorry for the delayed responses.
@katarina I will incorporate your idea about the airplane being a tad bigger as I do agree it is not working at the size it is now. The sheep is blue on purpose, just to have some fun. Kind of a black sheep of the herd haha.
@Samuel I completely agree, I am not really stressing the size differences enough in the environment.
@quickdrawkevin Holy S### you made my freaking friday, I know you took time out of your day to give such detailed help, and it's amazing. I never thought to block these things out into basic shapes to view the silhouettes, and it makes so much sense. I am not conveying at all what the girl is doing. I really love how you brought the grass and the ground more into the foreground to explain the perspective better.
I will massage this some more and post an update next week if you all would like to see it. Once again thank you all!