Spring critiques with Lee and Will updated version



  • Hi Guys, Last Saturday I entered the spring critiques with this piece. In the frame there comes a poem. I am working on the hints and suggestions that @Will-Terry and @Lee-White gave me, first I wantend to change the Composition, and when you all agree on the improvement, Ill start adding lights and shadows... Please let me know what you think. Deadline is in two weeks...!
    (btw maybe its fun to know: Its rendered in Pro-Create using the Ipad-Pro and Apple pencil)

    First one...
    0_1462188131406_leontine gaasenbeek.jpg

    New Comp....
    0_1462188412440_leontine gaasenbeek GP.jpg



  • I like it! I liked Lee's idea with the scarf, I'm glad you decided to incorporate it.

    I think it would be better if the frame were either overlapping with grandmas chair more, or not at all--its a bit of a tangent as it is.

    I also wonder what it would look like if the frame were tilted to the right, instead of being tilted to the left as it is. Maybe won't be any better or worse, but it would be easy to experiment with I think.



  • @Sarah-LuAnn Ill Try and experiment for sure with that! Thank you !



  • @Leontine I like this illustration, especially the expressions on the grandma and grandpa. I like the grouping on the left but it feels unbalanced to me with that space above them. Can you maybe move them up or maybe shorten the frame? I also like how you added the scarf she's knitting throughout the piece. Nicely done!



  • @Leontine Hi Leontine - I too like the scarf winding through all of the scene. My one comment would be that something with Grandma needs to be changed in the new layout. Before it appeared as though she was looking at Grandpa reading the story. But now with him next to her, it just looks like she is staring blankly into space.

    So perhaps adjust her eyes to have them looking at the grandson. Or maybe turn her head slightly so that she is looking over at Grandpa or something.



  • @Sarah-LuAnn I like the idea of tilting the frame to the right a bit and then the bottom left corner would be slightly overlapped by grandma's chair too.

    I like that dog in the first one and kind of wish it were still in the picture. Maybe lying down next to the boy and smaller.

    I really love it!



  • Very nice style throughout... is the story about the boy, because they are all facing him...



  • I love that you incorporated the scarf idea too! The one thing that bothers me is the way the scarf goes over Grandpa's book and fingers - it looks like it would be getting in Grandpa's way.. and there's something about the perspective too - the chair must be quite a bit further behind the book, but the scarf looks like it's travelling down rather than forward. I'd perhaps simplify so it avoids the book area.

    I agree with @Rich-Green about Grandma.

    I also really liked the idea of spotlighting Grandpa with an off-camera light..would be great to highlight him reading...I know you haven't got that far yet, so will look forward to seeing where you take it next :-) Great work!



  • What a wonderful piece! Love the rambling of the scarf. However, I agree about the scarf going over grandpa's fingers and then back over grandmas chair. Perhaps make it so that the scarf goes behind grandpas hands - looking like it goes back down the arm of grandpa and grandmas chairs, and then back up the back of her chair.

    Perhaps it might be fun to see the cat interacting with the scarf on the back of the chair so as to suggest it was partly the cat's fault for the path of the scarf?

    Maybe the eyes of grandma could be looking down at her knitting? (or as other's suggested, not staring blankly into space, unless she is supposed to be day dreaming? trying to remember next pattern of stitches, listening to story?, reminiscing?)

    And I miss the dog too! he was wonderful.

    I repeat myself: wonderful image!



  • There ya go! Very nice. I'm so glad you were open to making that change. I know if was a big one. But I also knew you could handle it!

    What did the client think?



  • Very nice. Your pieces are so strong/professional



  • @Lee-White The Client is very open to any suggestions, thats nice .



  • @lmrush Thank you!



  • @Dulcie @Rich-Green @MarshaKayOttumOwen Thank You! Ill Work on the Grandmother and the scarf.



  • @Nancy-Gormezano Ill work on the suggestions, the Grandmother and the scarf.



  • @Russ-Van-Dine Thank you, stay tuned!



  • Great movement in this illustration and I especially love the thoughtful look on the grandsons face... very sweet and attentive. I read another comment about grandma and also think that her attention should be focused on something in the composition. I know plenty of great knitters who don't look down at their work so possibly looking at her husband or even the cute grandson. Wonderful improvements to this composition! Thanks for sharing your work. :)



  • I loved this piece from the beginning (I said "Oh wow" out loud in my living room when I saw it Saturday!). And I really like the changes you've made!

    I also think @Rich-Green is right on about the grandma. Something was bugging me with the new version, and I think he put his finger right on it! Can't wait to see the final version.



  • Hi guys her's the updated version, please let me know if you have more suggestions for improvement... 0_1463425215726_Leontine gaasenbeek GP new version.jpg